|
|
|
|
Kandahar Ka Kaana Raja
|
||
|
 |
 They call me the Mad Mullah of Kandahar. That makes me really, really mad. I'm the Supreme Mad Mullah, the Maddest, Baddest of them all.You've never seen a photograph of me because I do not allow my picture to be taken. In fact, I've forbidden photography in all of Afghanistan. People may say that's an extreme step to take to ensure my mug never gets seen worldwide, but, believe me, with my mug, it's necessary. I also have just one eye. I also believe in the proverb of an eye for an eye. It's fine with me if that turns everyone blind because I also believe in blind faith. Now, everyone has been blaming me for blowing up those statues in Bamiyan. Blame it on those faithless Indians. They made Buddha smile, I have to make him weep. Anyway, whatever is wrong with using those rock sculptures for cannon fodder? I thought those decadent infidels loved rock'n'roll. Actually, I really think this issue has been blown out of proportion. I hated to have those gigantic idols around anyway since an idol mind is the devil's worship. Also, they seem to have dated back to the 2nd or 3rd century. Here I am trying to take my country back to prehistoric times and there I am confronted with relics of progress. You'll obviously sympathise with me. Anyway, all the Afghans are in favour of my move. If they aren't, too bad for them. There are lampposts enough strewn around our country to string them up by. Or, we could always use the rubble from those Buddhas to have those naysayers stoned.  Speaking of being stoned, my people are simply content. They can cultivate all the poppy they want and get high. That heretic Karl Marx did have a point about opium. If they remain drugged, they forget about the fact that they are starving.It's worse ever since the United Nations imposed an embargo on Afghanistan. But what do I care? I get my fill of the choicest dishes (hehe) courtesy my friends in Pakistan. Coming back to that UN embargo, obviously it was forced down by the satanic powers of the United States. Why? Because they want Osama bin Laden to be handed over to punishment. How can I let Osama leave? Don't they know that Osama is married to my 13-year-old daughter? It is against everything I believe in to hand over a relative by marriage though I would probably make an exception in the case of my mother-in-law. Really, what angers me is all this talk of women being equal to men. This is a land where men are men and we can well do without women because there are enough young boys to go around. As they say, we believe in a spartan existence. Returning to the issues of women's rights, that's just wrong. Why should they have any? They aren't even capable of handling a Kalashnikov, forget about a Stinger. They should keep themselves properly veiled and remain indoors. We will forget that women exist in this country. Those misguided liberals also say that I am exporting terrorism to the world. What is wrong with that? Don't those capitalist pigs understand that every nation must encourage its domestic industry thereby fostering bilateral and multilateral trade? My allies in Islamabad are the largest importers of our finished goods as they require consignments for re-export. We have already established a global presence and proven that we can take on the MNCs. But enough for now. I have to visit the museum in Kandahar and before that I must find my pickaxe. RECENTLY ON JAAL: The World Is Not Enough Back To Squire One Poll Gita Where There's A Bill, There's A Wait DotComs, By The Numbers GoI-ing After Veerappan The Bore-Gush Race Hack Attack! Eee! Governance! Justice Unbound Small States, Large Stakes Con Banega Crorepati Salesman No. 1 Cat And Meows 25 Years After Paswan Goes DOTty Child's Play Toilet Paper Drought And About Boer Boar The Joke's On You The Coming Of Bill The Taliban supremo, Mullah Mohammed Omar, posted this article, originally in Pushtu, on his personal porn site. SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: ?
|
| | About Us | Archives | Help | E-mail | Advertise | Legal Crap | Webmaster | | |
| Copyright © 1998-2001 Jaal™ | nEtAhOy ! |
