May 11, 2000, was an important day in the life of our republic. Our population touched the one billion mark. Of course, there are those who say that it may actually have made that figure on August 15, 1999, but we would rather believe what the Government says (after all, have we ever been misled by our by gracious netas?).
There were celebrations on May 11. Government officials gathered at Delhi's Safdarjang hospital to welcome into the India Citizen No. I,000,000,000 - little Aastha.
That was really touching. After all, the Government deserves accolades for having contrived this distinction for the nation. For the students of history, it is worth recollecting that at the time of Independence India showed a negative growth trend in terms of population. The sheer odds the Government surmounted to achieve this stupendous goal cannot be undermined. They've worked at it for decades: A population control policy that has never been seriously implemented; sex education that does not exist; or condoms that leak. Our foresighted lawmakers, the politicians have also contributed to this achievement. They do set trend with their broods that begin at 5 offspring.
Consider the accomplishment. We're already Number Two; just behind China and well on course to overtake them in a couple of decades. Ponder upon the fact that we add one Australia to our population each year. Just because the Kangaroos clobber us at cricket, doesn't mean we're second best!
Keeping in the celebratory mood, we got our resident futurist to project a scenario for these kids of tomorrow. Here it goes:
Water: There's not going to be enough to go around, so they'll probably grow up thirsty. But the opening up of the economy does mean that they will have alternatives. If you can't have water, there's always Cola. And, anyway, as anyone doctor would point out, drinking water is probably more toxic than a potful of arsenic. So that's already one positive.
Employment: There won't be enough jobs for everyone. Those who remain employed, however, will have alternative careers to choose from - muggers, robbers, dacoits, other such entrepreneurial fields or even, at the very least, becoming politicians.
Literacy: The schools simply won't be able to handle the numbers. But that is a favour that our kindly administrators will be bestowing upon the toddlers. After all, have you ever met a kid who enjoys going to school?
Commuting: If you depend on public transport, better stand in line at least six hours before your bus is due. If you want to hire a cab or a three-wheeler, given inflationary tendencies, better apply for a bank loan. f you own your won vehicle, give the congestion on the roads, maybe you'd be better off walking. Of course, if you are a pedestrian, you'll always run the risk of getting run over.
Pollution: Try not to breathe, that could be dangerous to your health. if you have to breathe, ensure that you are a member of a detox centre.
Housing: Since land is going to be scarce, you'll probably have to share an apartment, a shanty or whatever with about a dozen others. But that's what community building is all about.
Food: Will there be enough for everyone? Doubtful. Look on the bright side. Thin will always be in.
Health: Since most hospitals will be extended maternity wards, it would be a bad idea to fall ill.
So, that's it for a glorious future.
Tick, tick, tick. Is that the population clock working overtime? Or the population bomb? You figure it out.