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Cric JOKES
Here’s Jaal’s collection of Indian cricket jokes. Enjoy!
1. When Sunil Gavaskar finds out that a movie has been released in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once.
With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, ``What do you mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didn’t show anything about me in it!’’.
The director of the movie laughs and says, ``So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show anything about Border in it?’’
2. What's the difference between George Michael's chin and Rahul Dravid's bat?
George's chin has hit more balls.
3. An Indian batsman was out first ball. On the long walk back to the pavilion he had to pass the incoming batsman, a supercilious rival.
``Hard luck, old man,’’ smirked the newcomer.
``Yes. It's a shame I had to be right in the middle of a hat trick.’’
4. A cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist.
Cricketer: ``It's terrible. I can't score runs, I'm a terrible bowler, and I can't hold a catch. What can l do?’’
Doctor: ``Get another job.’’
Cricketer: ``I can't. I'm playing for India tomorrow!’’
5. Who will be the best Indian batsman in England during the World Cup?
Sunil Gavaskar.
6. Who will be the best Indian all-rounder during the World Cup?
Ravi Shastri.
7. Indian cricketer to South African player: ``How do you manage to keep so fit for a match?’’
``I think nothing of getting up at five, running round the stadium for two hours, then getting in three or four hours net practice before a cold bath.’’
Indian cricketer: ``That's funny. I don't think much of it either!’’
8. Cricketing definitions:
APPEAL - What is left in the fruit bowl after the lunch break.
BAIL - What a batsman does immediately after getting out cheaply.
BLOCK HOLE - Cured with a strong Indian curry.
BOWL - Where APPEAL is kept.
BYE - Azharuddin’s last words.
CENTURY - Average length of a Dravid innings.
DELIVER - Italian body organ.
DOUBLE CENTURY - Back to back Dravid innings.
LEG BREAK - Incentive for Indian batsman if they cross bookies.
LEG BYE - Result of a particularly bad LEG BREAK.
LEG CUTTER - Utensil used in LEG BYE.
LEG STUMP - What`s left after a LEG BYE.
MISFIELD - Daughter of Mr Field.
NIGHT-WATCHMAN - Swiss timekeeper on late shift.
NON-STRIKER - Pacifist Indian batsman scoring a duck.
NOT OUT - A quiet night at home.
PLAY SAFE - To wear a condom while fielding.
RETIRE HURT - see Azharuddin.
RUN BETWEEN THE WICKETS - The result of an Indian curry.
SILLY POINT - Sunil Gavaskar’s commentary.
9. Some cricketing books that cannot be:
Those Wonderful Australian Crowds - Muttiah Muralitharan
Hidden Conundrums: An In-depth Analysis of the Laws of Cricket - Shane Warne
Selectors: The Pride Of Pakistan - Aamer Sohail
Team Spirit - Brian Lara
Restraint in Bowling - Glenn McGrath
Foolproof Fielding - Saurav Ganguly
Evils of Gambling - Shane Warne and Mark Waugh
Diplomacy - Umpire Darrel Hair
England Ashes Series Wins of the 1990s (only the covers printed so far)
Great Overs I have faced From Michael Holding - Geoff Boycott
My Maiden Test Century- Courtney Walsh (again, only the covers printed so far)
Other books from Geoffrey Boycott - Playing For Your Team, French Conversation Skills, 101 Ways to Show Her You Care with the sequel Understanding Women.
The Sins of a Brother - Steve Waugh
101 Uses For A Dead Stump - Hansie Cronje
Much Ado About Chucking - Muralitharan
Javagal Srinath’s Fitness Secrets
The Laziness Of The Short-Distance Runner - Arjuna Ranatunga
The Catcher In The Deep - Venkatesh Prasad
Throwspotting - Darrel Hair
A Tail Of Two Runs - Anil Kumble, Ajit Agarkar, Javagal Srinath and Venkatesh Prasad
Every Which Way But The Stumps - Indian fielders
For Whom The Ball Rolls - Trevor Chappell
A Fistful Of Rupees - Shane Warne & Mark Waugh
The Man Who Fell To Perth - Adam Gilchrist
The Art of Clapping - Ajay Jadeja
The Silence of the Keepers - Nayan Mongia & Moin Khan
How To Win Friends and Influence People - Sarfaraz Nawaz
Cheery Press Conferences I have known - Mohammed Azharuddin
Big Hitting - Rahul Dravid
The Vertically Challenged Cricketer - Curtly Ambrose
Facing Fast Bowlers - Ajay Jadeja
Favourite Cocktail Recipes - Ricky Ponting
How to deal with Umpires - Arjuna Ranatunga
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Chief Election Commissioner M S Gill:
WHAT HE SAID:As the Indian cricket team prepares to play in the cricket World Cup, we will get ready for our own version of the World Cup.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:And in both India will be the ultimate loser.
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Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee:
WHAT HE SAID:Democracy is not a matter of numbers.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:It’s also about equations, fractions, divisions…
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Congress leader Arjun Singh:
WHAT HE SAID:There are some imposters of secularism. Mr (Mulayam Singh) Yadav is one of them.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:I should know, you gain expertise with experience.
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Trinamul Congress leader Mamata Banerjee on Sonia Gandhi’s Italian roots:
WHAT SHE SAID:If Mr Vajpayee’s Government can be called barbarous, there’s nothing wrong in telling the truth about Mrs Sonia Gandhi.
WHAT SHE DID NOT ADD:So, if the Congress accepts that she is an Italian, we will accept that the Government is barbarous.
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Socialite Bina Ramani after a model was shot dead in her plush bar:
WHAT SHE SAID:Systems are outdated (in Delhi), providing numerous opportunities for people to take advantage of them.
WHAT SHE DID NOT ADD:Hehehe, that’s why we decided to settle down here.
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International Cricket Council president Jagmohan Dalmiya:
WHAT HE SAID:There is not much difference between Test-playing and non Test-playing nations.
WHAT HE DID NOT ADD:Especially if the Test playing nation is India.
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