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Are Beauty Contests For Dumb Belles?

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Let us bury all the romantics once and for all. They belonged to the world where beauty lay in the eyes of the beholder. Beauty was something exotic all right, but very subjective still. It was something to be adored, not paraded. Not any more. Eyes are instead made to believe the beauty or otherwise of someone. Beauty is manufactured, displayed, and judged on the basis of certain fixed criteria. Little wonder then that India has turned out to be a great churning machine throwing up most beautiful women on universe, world and Asia Pacific with as much regularity as batting of an eyelid. For we have mastered the art of manufacturing beauty.
Regressive as it may sound, objectification of womenfolk is complete now. You have to have a fixed size and shape (vital statistics they say), wear certain shades of lipstick, put on a particular range of clothes from evening wear to bikinis, learn to sashay in a certain manner while displaying a particular brand of charity and speak a particular language in a certain accent. These are the modern "natural beauties". Nature, of course, is improved upon by a phalanx of speech coaches, tutors, finishing lessons, cosmetics specialists and designers. Is this what liberation of womanhood entail? Half-naked women contestants parading before millions of "hungry" eyes (both live and through television sets) only pander to male libido. Aren't we supposed to go beyond that now that we are talking about women's empowerment? Women are much more than just bodies. Too much emphasis on bodies and we are back to where we shudder to go.
Slang Match Image Part1

They say beauty pageants are supposed to highlight the right mix of beauty and brains. "Two billion Indians" a la Priyanka Chopra already know that the mix may turn out to be an adulterated stuff. The contest is no more than a display of corporatisation of culture (Statistics suggests that there has been an unprecedented surge in the sale of cosmetics over the last decade or so thanks to the likes of Sushmita Sen). Nice legs, slim waistline, protruding chest, and developed backside make up for "good" advertising material. It sells because it fosters and reinforces the well-entrenched patriarchal values. And the so-called role models of modern women are quite happy to contribute their bit to such a "noble cause".
After all, they claim to be potential Mother Teresas of India. They talk about empowering women by degrading them.

Nisha Mishra

The first real pan-globe beauty contest was the brainchild of Eric Morley, in 1950. Initially lampooned majorly, pageants became really hot as years went by. Today there are myriad pulchritude-races: for the painfully young to the young-at-heart with pacemakers. And guess what? The selfsame Bharatiya Nari has conquered them. You bet it requires real truckloads of neurons, and wheelbarrows full of synapses to give the world out there the lie. It also calls for fine-tuned sensibilities, and the innate will to say things that make no sense at all. Who has heard of a 19-year-old (!!!), wanting to do charity for children, when she is dating Mr Silver Star himself. The young, have the right to deck up, and pancake themselves to death. Again, a good makeover is the one that looks natural. And all those flag-wavers are unlikely to bring an "august" house down with a smile, ever. The greatest pleasures in life are free- being free is one of them. A girl reserves the right to put forward her views and a competition that focuses on her attributes-intellect and cleavage, say. If one has got it, one can flaunt it. What's wrong with feeling like a real feminine person, body and spirit. Let them call us names and the bachhalog shall continue their games. Yes we shall go to Paris, we shall adopt children, and build our stadia. Only when we're cushy with greenbacks galore.
We shall wear our swimsuits, and our frills and our gowns. Well, doesn't behenji sport her silks at the get-together? But once we are through to the top, we'll turn smug. Never mind the faux pas here, the fib there. We'll feign that we are really REIGNing. And call the drooling junta my "FANS". Though of course, it is they who run any box-office, real or conceptual. The creme-de-la-creme must get the right feelers, the correct feedback. Don't the moneybags contain silver tonic, and there is moi, the pet python, the toy boy, so many mouths to feed.
Slang Match Image Part2

Everyone wants to look like Ash or Sush. But it's hard work. You must cater to your skin and teeth. Life IS an unending series of skin-of-the-teeth contests. Kirk Douglas once spake, "Real life is like the storyline of a B-grade flick". So gird your loins. Whatever age, you must feel the joie-de-vivre. Even if you are the LIFE of the shouting brigade you too are like me. You have the right to express, and we the right to IMPRESS. Service to humanity is noble, and ain't I human too?
But take care. The petite must be chained up, and allowed to stitch the kerchief, and the mouth. One must be made to feel that any self-manifestation is criminal. One has been created to pander to the serf. And surf the soiled nightwear, with brush. Go to the market, fetch supplies, and when ayjee-ohjee-suniyejee pleases, make as many gravada samples as ordered by the powers-that-be. Beauty LIES in the eyes of the beholder, and prettiness is a lot of zinta. Tch Tch, pageants of booty, for the good bad and beautiful, absolutely no-no.

Ayan Bhattacharya

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