We're thinking of not getting a morning newspaper any more. With barely twenty minutes available in the morning for a groggy sniff at the coffee, a shower, and then the rush to office, who has any time for the newspaper - and anyway the paperboy is always late. My favourite man, my Chosen One and I have a half-hearted tug-of-war over the main paper (which neither of us really wants) and the garishly coloured, glossy supplements (which we both want, only we're slightly sheepish about admitting it). So we do a hurried round of "Pehle aap, pehle aap", while, before either of us can get it, the puppy has grabbed the paper.
It's not really his fault. We've been trying to make him learn to "fetch". He thought we were telling him to eat it. Now ask me, does he need to be TOLD to eat anything? Labradors are pigs in disguise, our vet had warned us cheerily: they'll eat up everything. "Exuberant in youth", the Labrador book had informed us (yes, there ARE separate books on specific breeds of dogs, but none that will tell you what to do with a dog who chews up your morning newspaper). "A large part of their mind is devoted to food". "Devoted" is the operative word. Our puppy gazes at page three with utter and abject devotion before proceeding to devour it. I think he likes the bimbettes in black.
We've tried, several times, each time unsuccessfully, to take the paper from him. And then, eureka. Finding the paper lying in dainty shreds around us, we realised that we could live without it altogether. Because we already know what it'll announce, smugly and all saccharine, every morning. We already know what the celebs think of Mumbai: "so vibrant, so gritty, so brave". We already know where the celebs are going for a break: "Goa, daahlings". We already know what the celebs are reading: "No time, actually, hons." We know the talk they're talking: "And then I did a positive visualisaion for my son, for his dotcom launch". And then there's always the guy who's paid to sit at the Zodiac Grill (where the prices are listed only on the host's menu) and write long articles about the long dark night of YOUR soul. If he only knew.
So we felt we could, pretty much, do without the papers altogether. There was nothing new we would learn from them. We thought we would leave the puppy to his play. And then suddenly we realised that we still needed them for one thing, if nothing else. The puppy is still being housetrained, and he has to pee-pee on page three. And then there's also his pottie. Sigh. So I guess we'll keep on getting the morning papers after all.