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Scoop: The IPL Makeover For 2010
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With the second season of the Indian Premier League in full swing in South Africa, falling viewership levels is an indicator that the audience in getting somewhat jaded with the same old stuff the second time around. To avoid a similar mistake for the third IPL, tentatively scheduled to be held in Fiji, the organizers have decided to introduce new teams into the fray while also renaming others so that freshness can be maintained. Jaal recently procured the minutes of a confidential meeting of the IPL Organising Committee. Here are the details:New Teams: 1. Kashmir Curfew: International observers will be appointed by the United Nations to select foreign players. Pakistani players who manage to cross the LoC through the treacherous Himalayan passes will be allowed to play as local rather than foreign players. While both India and Pakistan will lay claim to the franchise, the 12th man will be claimed by the Chinese. 2. Bihar Mafia: Players will be selected not on the basis of their results in scorecards but from their history sheets. While the actual players will be unable to take the field due to the unfortunate complication of being jailed, they will be replaced by surrogates. The franchise will be owned by Fodder & Sons. 3. Jan Path 10: Only 10 players will take the field while the actual captain, Sonear Gander, will direct play from beyond the boundary. Whenever Mrs Gander is unavailable to fulfil her responsibilities, her duties will be undertaken by her son, Real Gander. This team will be brought to you by Bofors. 4. UP Yours: Will have a completely new team with a new captain and a new coach and a new style of playing each season. Each of these seasonal teams will be dominated by players from a particular caste. Playing cricket will be secondary to these teams. Depending upon the team fielded, their principal job will be to either construct a massive birthday cake for Maya Fatty, build a Ram Mandir or prevent anyone from speaking English. Brought to you by the Bahujan Samajwadi Bharatiya Janata Congress. 5. North-East Non-Entities: Since most Indians do not realize there are a bunch of states clustered in the North-Eastern part of the country, this team will go completely unnoticed. The Chinese multinational, Tibet Plus, will claim ownership of this franchise. Teams To Be Renamed: 1. Kolkata Komintern: Previously known as the Knight Riders, this team has already charted the course towards truly democratic (read Communist) functioning having appointed four captains. In the future, each player will be a captain, the team will function as a Politburo and a strategy break will be taken after each ball. Franchise jointly owned by Li’l Kim and Fidel, the Cigar Czar. 2. Mumbai Marathas: Mumbai, as we all know, should only be for Maharashtrians. Therefore, the former Mumbai Indians, will be represented on the field by just Sachin Tendulkar. Owned by the Brihanmumbai Dabbawala Union. 3. Delhi Dalals: Known earlier as the Delhi Daredevils, this will be a 10 per cent team. Ten per cent of the runs they score and wickets they take will belong to middlemen and will be deducted from the team’s actual tally. For more significant games, that percentage may be raised. To be owned and managed by officials of the Delhi Development Authority. 4. Punjab Ka Puttars: Forget the Kings XI, this will be real avatar of the team, fielding a squad of true-blue Punjabis. However, these players will spend their time in the VIP enclosure with their butter chicken and whisky while the actual playing is done by migrant Biharis. Owned by Sarson Fields Forever. 5. Chennai Cutouts: Instead of players, this team, once known as the Chennai Super Kings, will be represented by huge cardboard cutouts of leaders of the DMK, AIADMK, PMK, MDMK and other assorted MKs. Owned by Eelam Enterprises Enternational.
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