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Anyhow, Jaalmag.com, given its investigative chops, contacted major players and observers in the Satyam scam and got these choice observations from them (all epithets deleted): Vinod Dham Former Director: Sure I developed the Pentium chip. But for sheer computing power, how about that Ramalinga Raju? Processing staggering sums for so many years without any glitches or crashes, not even those annoying updates, which force you to reset your system...should have got my hands on that patent. Ram Mynampati Interim CEO: Why doesn't anybody believe me when I say I didn't know what the boss was really up to, that I was just following orders? If India can be run like that, why not Satyam? And all that stock I managed to unload just before the truth came out, all of it went to that World Bank guy who kept whining he didn't get enough stock in return for those contracts he slipped our way. That'll teach him to demand bribes. Srinivas Vadlamani Former CFO: On the phone "Yes, Madam. I just signed and stamped all the documents and papers that my staff and the auditors placed in front of me. Read them? Raise questions? Why would I do that? ...Thank you, Madam, you are very kind to consider me. I like it here in Hyderabad, but I think I could move to New Delhi, Madam. I hear there is a very good view of Hyderabad House from Raisina Hill." Hank Paulson US Treasury Secretary: The Indians beat us again. Couldn't a single idiot at Lehman Bros or Bear Stearns come up with this? How hard could it be to just show a few billion fake dollars on the balance sheet? I mean, we have auditors and bankers with that kind of experience right here, still looking for new challenges after Enron. Instead these companies keep going bust and how am I going to come up with hundreds of billions of real dollars to bail them out? Hey, I have an idea I'm going to outsource this whole bailout thing to Satyam.  Ramalinga Raju Former Chairman & CEO: What's all the fuss? We in India, especially the South, have a great tradition of mathematics, and the concept of zero. I just added a few more zeros to the equation. I wonder if everybody is upset because I fooled them with a nonexistent fortune? Would it have been better if I had swindled real money? I wonder if I can somehow get away to the US I hear they have a new program giving out millions of dollars to managers who have bankrupted their companies. Tiger: Thank God I got that monkey off my back. Now he's blaming me for not being able to get off because he was scared I would eat him? We tigers have good taste. And what's with the media the way they went on and on with his quote, they've never heard of the phrase 'riding a tiger'? As if I needed all this publicity...now I have to run from all the poachers. The Great Gnuman is currently considering a hostile takeover of Ramalinga Raju Send Jaal Your Feedback: ,br> RECENTLY ON JAAL: 1998 To 2008: From Verse To Worse Ozzified! 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