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World Cup Worries
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 We at Jaalmag.com are excited about the World Cup. Almost as excited as the bookies are. Almost as excited as Marlon Samuels is. But not as excited as the Indian selectors are. We had the privilege of interviewing one of the selectors, who wanted to remain anonymous, as he expressed his views on India’s chances in the Caribbean:Q: Thank you for joining us. First up. Why did you retain Virendar Sehwag in the team despite his godawful form? A: We gave the matter a lot of thought (pauses thoughtfully). We found that it was a mental problem. You see, ever since he started losing his hair and gaining weight, there was an imbalance in his stance. So, we took prompt action. He has spent time getting liposuction done, he has had hair transplanted from Salman Khan’s skull, and he has even had Botox injections. Though we drew the line at silicone implants in his breasts. He should look much better at the crease now. Q: You mean, we can expect lots of runs from Sehwag? A: Who said anything about runs? No, he’ll just look much better. That can only benefit him as hell get more offers for advertisements. Q: Oh ok, what about retaining Rahul Dravid as captain despite his poor track record? A: You can’t just dismiss someone because he hasn’t delivered on promises. If that was the case, no Indian Government would last a couple of months. No, no, we believe we can expect a lot from Rahul, he’ll be the perfect ambassador for the game, take India back to its heydays. Q: You mean, like when we won the World Cup in 1983? A: No, I mean like when Azharuddin and Sachin Tendulkar were the captains and they accepted defeat graciously. Q: Interesting, what about the return of Saurav Ganguly to the team. Do you think he’ll make a difference? A: Of course, of course. He’ll make a difference. More Bengalis will watch the World Cup. More TV revenues for us. Q: I meant, as in scoring runs, taking wickets, fielding… A: He has just returned to the team, we can’t expect everything from him. Q: What about Sachin? What do you expect from him? A: You should not ask such questions because that puts pressure on him to perform. He cannot perform with such pressure on him. Q: You mean, like when India needs a big score from him to win a crucial game? A: Like that only. Q: You also have two wicketkeepers in the team: Dhoni and Dinesh Karthik. Why? A: Because there are two sets of wickets on the pitch, in case you didn’t notice. Q: What about Uthappa? A: No thanks, I’ve already had breakfast and I don’t like South Indian food. Q: Robin Uthappa…not Uthappam… A: We selected a Robin Uthappa? (checks his Blackberry). Oh yes, of course, very talented young player who…er…plays in a talented way. Q: You also have five fast bowlers in the team. Is pace the way to go? A: Of course, we need to be fast, speedy. Only if you are fast, speedy can you escape all those rotten tomatoes that are thrown at you. Q: Interesting. Do you think Kumble will deliver? A: Of course, he will deliver, six deliveries every over unless he bowls wides or no balls. Q: Will Greg Chappell be retained if India loses in the World Cup? A: Of course, of course. But for some strange reason he didn’t want us to buy him a ticket back to India.
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