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Pol Poll: Are You A Neta Wannabe?
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 If you've the last two years attending various software courses picking up the intricacies of Java, WAP, web designing and e-commerce, you've obviously realised that you are virtually unemployable given the present status of the IT industry.Never fear, help is here. As always, Jaal steps forward with its public service pronouncements. Retrain yourself, look for an alternate profession. Don't want to spend another vie years going through the grind of learning another trade? Big deal, just opt for the one that requires anything but literacy, and is the safest "get rich quick" option. Yes, yes, yes, if you have the attitude and the aptitude, become a politician today. Take this easy test to figure out whether you should be measuring yourself for the khadi uniform: I. Your favourite mode for receiving payment is: a) Brown envelopes b) Wire transfers to your Swiss bank or Cayman Islands accounts c) Large briefcases d) Any of the above e) All of the above 2. The fastest route towards success is through: a) Demolishing the closest disputed structure b) Defecting c) Calling a general strike or stopping any constructive activity d) Any of the above e) All of the above 3. To contest an election, you'd require: a) The largest collection of anti-social elements in your area as your "agents" b) Lots of free booze c) The ability to seize polling stations and stuff ballot boxes d) Any of the above e) All of the above 4. When caught on camera while taking a bribe, your reaction would be to: a) Accuse the TV crew of harbouring an anti-national agenda b) Accuse the TV crew of manipulating images c) Accuse the TV crew of targetting you since you belong to a particular caste or community d) Any of the above e) All of the above 5. When participating on a debate of national significance, you would: a) Ignore the truth because it comes in the way of your personal ideology b) Toss chairs, microphones, tables and other objects at rival speakers c) Catch up on your sleep d) Any of the above e) All of the above 6. If you have access to large sums of public funds meant for development projects, you would: a) Buy yourself a cozy penthouse in London b) Buy yourself a cozy airplane c) Lay a foundation stone amidst media glare and then opt for options a) and b) d) Any of the above e) All of the above 7. "Ten per cent" means: a) The commission contractors and middlemen pay you for pulling a few strings b) The amount of money from the allocated total that you actually spend on developmental activity c) The percentage of truth you speak d) Any of the above e) All of the above 8. If you were part of a shaky coalition, you would: a) Blackmail the leadership into granting you favours b) Blackmail the leadership into granting your relatives favours c) Blackmail the leadership into making promises about granting your State or constituency favours and then forget about it d) Any of the above e) All of the above 9. If asked an uncomfortable question by a pesky reporter, you would: a) Criticise the rival party while ignoring the question b) Criticise the rival within your own party while ignoring the question c) Answer the question and then deny you said what you said or say that you were misquoted or quoted out of context and claim a conspiracy to defame you while utilising that opportunity to criticise the rival party or the rival within your own party d) Any of the above e) All of the above 10. Your party manifesto and the promises it includes: a) Is good for lining the litter bin b) Makes for great toilet paper c) Can be retrieved in time for the next election d) Any of the above e) All of the above 11. If your department has made a major blunder causing irreparable damage or a national catastrophe, you would: a) Blame it on the ISI b) Appoint a departmental inquiry that would submit a report after 18 years blaming it on the ISI c) Appoint a departmental inquiry that would submit a report after 18 years blaming it on the ISI. If there are protests over these findings and people are still remotely interested in the issue, order another inquiry into the inquiry which would submit its report in another decade or so, blaming the event on the ISI d) Any of the above e) All of the above 12. Your motto should be: a) Trust no one, not even your mother b) Speak no truth and beware of spycams c) Corruption should be legalised d) Any of the above e) All of the above Keeping Score: If you've actually taken the time to go through this quiz, you've taken the first step towards a political career - wasting time on a non-issue. If you've answered a), b), c) or d) to any of the questions, you'd probably make a good politician but not a great one and will, at the most, end up as the PS to a Minister or Party President or in the PMO. If you've answered e) consistently we'll just have to wait till you are administered the Oath of Office. RECENTLY ON JAAL: The Raj Strikes Back The EMail Of The Species Kandahar Ka Kaana Raja The World Is Not Enough Back To Squire One Poll Gita Where There's A Bill, There's A Wait DotComs, By The Numbers GoI-ing After Veerappan The Bore-Gush Race Hack Attack! Eee! Governance! 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