The primacy of the exit poll has been established. It’s now the prime factor in confusing almost everyone who votes in India. So, if you vote in one of the later phases, you already know who’s possibly going to lose. So, like all Indians, you turn coat and don’t vote for losers, ideology be damned.
Exit polls in India have been marked with consistency: They are almost always wrong. Which doesn’t stop anyone from conducting exit polls, after all newspapers, magazines and television channels need some news, no?
Given the popularity of exit polls, Jaalmag.com commissioned its own and our pollsters scoured the country for a perfect sample. After having realized that there was no way they could create a safe prediction given the varying nature of the Indian electorate, they then decided, like all good pollsters, to sit back and make up the numbers.
As one of them explained in a long note to Jaalmag.com: “Since we are from Delhi, the Northern region was adequately covered as we questioned ourselves. My pannwallah is from Uttar Pradesh, and presswalli from Bihar, so that was two major battleground states done. The postman is from Maharashtra and our office clerk from Kerala, so we have done a great job of covering the country.”
We were, of course, very impressed with the professional manners in which the pollsters had undertaken their duties, and they were adequately rewarded with a promise that their company would not be named on this website.
Here are the basic results of the exit polls conducted by them:

1) Did you vote for a party or a candidate:
a) Party, I especially love the ones they have in Goa on New Year’s eve. (53 per cent).
b) Candidate: The guy who promised to send to me to Goa for a New Year’s eve party if I voted for him. (43 per cent)
c) Neither, I’m 12. (148 per cent)
d) Both, since I’m already in Goa. (0.05 per cent)

2) Who do you think will make a better Prime Minister: Atal Behari Vajpayee or Sonia Gandhi?
a) I have no idea, I still haven’t recovered from the New Year’s eve party in Goa last year. (33 per cent)
b) Either who cares, as long as they keep holding New Year’s eve parties in Goa. (33 per cent)
c) Neither, I’m 12. (33 per cent)
d) Apu from The Simpsons. (33 per cent)

3) Did you vote for the BJP or the Congress or a BJP ally or a Congress ally or some other party?
a) Actually, someone else had already voted in my name, so I’ll have to find him and figure out who I voted for. (46 per cent)
b) I voted for the prettiest symbol on the ballot paper. (38 per cent).
c) Neither, I’m 12. (67 per cent)
d) Both, I was too hungover from the party in Goa last New Year’s eve so I kind of stamped the entire ballot paper. (1342 per cent).

4) Did you vote on national or regional lines?
a) I voted in the line for the polling station. (43 per cent)
b) I voted for the cutest film actor who campaigned. (0.34 per cent).
c) Neither, I’m 12. (54 per cent).
d) Both, I’m undergoing treatment for schizophrenia. (32 per cent)

Note: In this poll, 22.5 per cent of all response were reserved for the scheduled castes and tribes.

Explanation: India’s going to get a strange Government. So, what’s new?