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Time To Lighten Up
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 In the final rounds of American Idol, young singer John Stevens turned into a virtual punching bag, taking jabs from the judges and other critics, some of whom apparently believed that what Stevens was producing at age 16 – a collection of songs – was not as impressive as what they themselves had produced at the same age: a collection of pimples.Perhaps the lowest blow came on the night of Stevens’ elimination from the contest, when ABC late-night host Jimmy Kimmel showed a clip of the redhead’s farewell song and said, “Goodbye, world’s palest boy!” What a strange world we live in. We have whites making fun of other whites for being too white, and we also have blacks snubbing other blacks for being too black. Who knows, perhaps within our arteries and veins we have exclusive clubs of red blood cells that travel around together, saying, “We’re not as red as they are!” Is it any wonder that so many light-skinned people are spending money trying to look darker, while dark-skinned people are spending even more money trying to look lighter? If you happen to be satisfied with your complexion, the tanning salons and skin cream makers have a message for you: Get your eyes checked! Imagine how much better your life would be if your skin was just a little bit lighter or darker or even spotted. If you use the right chemicals, you might even be able to give your romantic partner a special bedroom treat: playing a game of “connect the dots.” But try not to squeal, even if something begins to peel. Yes, all this skin toning does pose health risks, even cancer, but don’t tell that to the American women spending hours in the sun trying to get “the ultimate tan,” hoping it will eventually bring them “the ultimate man.” And don’t tell that to the African and Asian women covering their bodies with so much skin-lightening cream, they have to use shovels to find their navels. More than a billion dollars is spent annually on skin-lightening creams – and only half of it by Michael Jackson. The rest goes to people who believe that lighter skin will make them more attractive, not to mention more visible at night. Being dark-skinned myself, I know what it’s like to have your photo taken, then have trouble spotting anything but your teeth. Now you know why I love always wearing fluorescent clothes. In India, a matrimonial ad is like an application to be a judge: you have to describe how “fair” you are. If a woman is fair-skinned, she is automatically beautiful, no matter how many chins she has. If she is dark-skinned, she has little chance of winning the Miss. India contest, even if her talent and personality are as exceptional as her plastic surgeon. Some women will do just about anything to look lighter: rub dangerous bleaching agents on their skin, bathe in tubs of coconut milk, eat five pounds of white chocolate every day, stand under flocks of chattering birds. Some of my relatives put so much powder on their faces, family gatherings look like a reenactment of the movie Night of the Living Dead, except scarier. Meanwhile, in America, people are exposing themselves to powerful UV rays, hoping to look a little darker, hoping their friends will say to them what mine are always saying to me: “Nice tan!” RECENTLY ON JAAL: Gandhi Still Leads The Way Outsourcing Our Work To India Expect More Excitement In 2004 Talk Is Cheap A Saint Like No Other Happiness Doesn't Need To Cost Much Goodbye Idibhai Unfinished Business The Worms Rule Pell Mall Who's Afraid Of Sonia G? The Babu Web Election Anthrax Graduate With Osama Slum Chums Dil Chahta Ha Ha Phooling All The People All The Time Achtung! Poleizi! Talks In Fool Swing Musings On Mush Amma Mia Poll Vault: The Rough Guide Delhi's Traffic Jam Being Believed Extinct Exists!! Truth Or Bare Holi Wholly Unholy Asking For The Moon Excise Excise Bush Speechless The Moron's Hack Miss Whirl Chatterbox 6 Chatterbox 5 Chatterbox 4 Chatterbox 3 Chatterbox 2 Chatterbox 1 Cloud Nine The Son Always Shines Glam Slam Autonomy Retort The Sri Lankan Mulberry Bush Take The Green Quiz A Tiger By The Tail 1000000000+ Chandrachud Rereported The Second Coming Of Bill Are You A Bollywood Buff? Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the US in the early 1980s. Read his previous columns at http://www.melvindurai.com SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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