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A Saint Like No Other
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 Mother Teresa is on her way to sainthood, having been beatified by the Pope in a two-hour ceremony in Rome. It’s just a formality, of course, because Mother Teresa became a saint many years ago, when she dedicated her life to serving “the poorest of the poor,” whether they be lepers, invalids, or freelance writers.She fed them and clothed them and bathed them, treating them like a mother treats her own children, except for the part where the mother shouts, “Shut up, kids. I’m trying to watch ‘Law and Order.’” Yes, she was something special, searching the streets for people to help, sacrificing herself for their every need. So extraordinary was she that comparing ourselves to her is like comparing a grain of unprocessed rice to Condoleezza Rice. While Mother Teresa was beatified by the Pope, most of us would rather be beautified by the Pope. “Goodbye wrinkles,” we’d like him to say. “Goodbye fat deposits. Goodbye ugly tattoos. Welcome back hair!” While Mother Teresa has qualified for sainthood, many of us are still trying to qualify for manhood (and womanhood). We’re so busy fighting and competing and trying to get ahead, we have no time for the less fortunate. “I’m willing to help the poor,” we say to ourselves, “but first I need to help myself. Is the buffet open yet?” While Mother Teresa spent her days in a white sari with blue stripes, many of us wear fancier outfits at night, when we're going to bed. Silk pajamas. Satin negligees. Designer underwear. “Not tonight, honey!” we say to our mates. “This nightgown feels so good, I’d like to stay in it.” While Mother Teresa rescued people from the gutters of Calcutta, the only thing we’ve rescued from a gutter is a bowling ball. Even so, we’re rather familiar with gutters, because we watch reality TV and as a result, our minds have been in them. While Mother Teresa had compassion for the filthy and wretched, we find ourselves feeling sorry for the filthy rich – celebrities with imperfect lives. Our hearts go out to Halle Berry (poor girl, can’t find a good husband), George Clooney (poor guy, can’t find a good wife) and Mike Tyson (poor guy, can’t find a good psychiatrist). While Mother Teresa said she saw God in every human being, what we tend to see are horns and a forked tongue. We’re afraid to go near homeless people, because … well, they’re dangerous and might rob us. They don’t have guns, it’s true, but they often have something just as powerful: body odor. “Toss me your wallet, mister," they might scream. “Don’t make me come closer!” While Mother Teresa was eager to wash the back of a leper, many of us are eager to wash the back of a Lexus. Especially if it belongs to us. As for washing grubby strangers, we might be willing to do that, but only if the fire station lets us borrow a hose. And while Mother Teresa managed to touch millions of lives, many of us just want to touch millions of dollars. If we get rich, will we share our wealth with the poor? "Of course not," we scream. "Who do you think we are? Mother Teresa?" RECENTLY ON JAAL: Happiness Doesn't Need To Cost Much Goodbye Idibhai Unfinished Business The Worms Rule Pell Mall Who's Afraid Of Sonia G? The Babu Web Election Anthrax Graduate With Osama Slum Chums Dil Chahta Ha Ha Phooling All The People All The Time Achtung! Poleizi! Talks In Fool Swing Musings On Mush Amma Mia Poll Vault: The Rough Guide Delhi's Traffic Jam Being Believed Extinct Exists!! Truth Or Bare Holi Wholly Unholy Asking For The Moon Excise Excise Bush Speechless The Moron's Hack Miss Whirl Chatterbox 6 Chatterbox 5 Chatterbox 4 Chatterbox 3 Chatterbox 2 Chatterbox 1 Cloud Nine The Son Always Shines Glam Slam Autonomy Retort The Sri Lankan Mulberry Bush Take The Green Quiz A Tiger By The Tail 1000000000+ Chandrachud Rereported The Second Coming Of Bill Are You A Bollywood Buff? Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the US in the early 1980s. Read his previous columns at http://www.melvindurai.com SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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