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Talk Is Cheap
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 A telephone company is advertising a calling service to India with rates of 28 cents per minute for the first 10 minutes and 20 cents for each additional minute. That sounds reasonable, but I wasn’t sold until I saw the company’s slogan: “The more you talk, the more you save!”I’ve never called my relatives in India, but the slogan convinced me to get on the phone and talk for several hours. That’s how desperate I am to save money. “Hello Rahul,” I said. “It’s me, Melvin, your cousin. What? Your name isn’t Rahul? Rahul passed away in 1977? That’s too bad. Listen, do you mind chatting with me for a few hours? I’m trying to save money. If I end up saving a lot, I’ll even send you some. I promise.” If you want to save money but don’t know anyone in India, just contact me and I’ll send you some names and numbers, probably of people still alive. I can even send you a list of topics Indians like to talk about, topics such as cricket, politics and Amitabh Bachchan. He’s a huge film star in India, so you might want to mention that you’re a big fan of his and have seen all 32,456 of his movies. Remember: The more you talk, the more you save. Saving money isn’t easy these days, what with all the expenses we face. Not only do we pay the government, we also have to pay a number of companies, including the electric company, the telephone company, and the beer company. Then we have to spend money on various fees: registration fee, parking fee, coffee. And don’t forget all the charges, including service charge, finance charge, and felony charge. By the time everyone’s been paid, lawyers and all, our paychecks have disappeared faster than a pizza on George Foreman’s plate. It doesn’t help, of course, that we’re always buying things, never satisfied with what we have. We’ve got a car, but we want a larger car, a faster car, a smarter car. We’ve got a TV, but we want a wider TV, a flatter TV, a plasma TV. We’ve got a chest, but we want a bigger chest, an attractive chest, a maple wood chest. While we’re shopping, we convince ourselves that we’re being savvy. Husband: “Why are you buying a punch bowl? Don’t we have one already?” Wife: “It’s on sale, dear. Give me some credit: I’m trying to save us money.” Husband: “But why do we need a second punch bowl?” Wife: “In case the first one breaks, silly. It’s like insurance, but without the premiums. Pretty smart, huh? Say, maybe I should buy one for my mom, too.” Forget about saving money – most of us would do well just to break even. Instead we fall into debt, swiping credit cards more often than a thief. But even that makes sense to us, because some of these cards give us CASH BACK. Yes, the more we spend, the more we save. It amazes me that my widowed mother, working as a schoolteacher in Zambia and South Africa, managed to save enough to educate her children in America. How did she do it? By driving the same old car, watching the same old TV, drinking the same old water. Yes, my mother did something that’s rather strange to many people: She lived within her means. RECENTLY ON JAAL: A Saint Like No Other Happiness Doesn't Need To Cost Much Goodbye Idibhai Unfinished Business The Worms Rule Pell Mall Who's Afraid Of Sonia G? The Babu Web Election Anthrax Graduate With Osama Slum Chums Dil Chahta Ha Ha Phooling All The People All The Time Achtung! Poleizi! Talks In Fool Swing Musings On Mush Amma Mia Poll Vault: The Rough Guide Delhi's Traffic Jam Being Believed Extinct Exists!! Truth Or Bare Holi Wholly Unholy Asking For The Moon Excise Excise Bush Speechless The Moron's Hack Miss Whirl Chatterbox 6 Chatterbox 5 Chatterbox 4 Chatterbox 3 Chatterbox 2 Chatterbox 1 Cloud Nine The Son Always Shines Glam Slam Autonomy Retort The Sri Lankan Mulberry Bush Take The Green Quiz A Tiger By The Tail 1000000000+ Chandrachud Rereported The Second Coming Of Bill Are You A Bollywood Buff? Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the US in the early 1980s. Read his previous columns at http://www.melvindurai.com SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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