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GoI-ing After Veerappan
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 Now that Raj Kumar has been released and does not seem to suffer from a virulent strain of the Stockholm Syndrome, this tale can be told. A tale of how wrong the Centre has been over its apparent inaction in launching a commando operation to rescue the Kannadiga superstar. It was on the verge of acting, at the very earliest…. even within the next three months or so. So dispel the unjust impressions that may linger in public memory about the Centre, here's the truth.I am not a professional hacker but even I could hack into the Government of India's top-secret computer system last night. I was not surprised that the password for GoI is 'permanent crisis' and once I latched on to it I came across an interesting note by a section officer of the Law Ministry on the latest crisis overshadowing Vajpayee. No, not Hizbul or Lashkar or even the Deendar. It is simply the latest daring act of sandalwood smuggler, Veerappan. The section officer wrote: "The Joint Secretary called the undersigned this morning and said the Minister wanted urgently a note on the situation arising out of the kidnapping of matinee idol, Raj Kumar by the sandalwood smuggler Veerappan to be submitted to the Hon. HM (Home Minister, for the uninitiated) and the Hon. PM. by early next AM. The following is submitted for consideration: While no doubt the matter seems to be serious, the Centre should think more than once before looking into it since prima facie it concerns two state governments and the matter also involves law and order, which again is a state subject. However, there seems to be a way through which the Centre can take cognisance of the matter and try to deal with it with utmost dispatch. It is for consideration that since the police force of Tamil Nadu and Karnataka as well as the joint special task force seem to have miserably failed in their primary duty, the task force can be asked to be disbanded forthwith and save a lot of money. It is submitted that the Centre is not clothed with any power to disband the police forces of the states. It is again for consideration that keeping in tune with the present policy of privatisation, the crisis on hand can be solved through recourse to a private agency. Again in consonance with official policy, we may go in for a joint venture which, keeping in view the urgency, can be set up with inviting bids through Internet. It is submitted that the Chief Vigilance Commissioner may be told there may not be any role for his CBI since the Centre may be calling in the FBI, which will go down very well with the Clinton Administration which may be induced to revoke the Pokhran sanctions. In order to give it a semblance of fair competition, we may also ask the Mossad and MI 5 to bid for the joint venture to be headed by Harshad Mehta who may be granted amnesty for this limited purpose and allowed to list its shares on the Nasdaq as well as the Mumbai Stock Exchange, with a 51 per cent ceiling on foreign participation. The joint venture will be mandated to nab Veerappan immediately by agreeing to whatever he says and demands since the matinee idol's safety is important to keep the National Democratic Alliance Government in office. The Government may take a policy decision to ignore the possible beneficial outcome also accruing to the Congress Government in Karnataka. The Government may also order an enquiry by a district judge, after taking permission from the Chief Justice of India. It may not be out of place to mention here the rumour floating that Shri Ram Jethmalani may be approached by Veerappan to represent him and he, in his present mood, may agree to take up the case, even free of charge. The Attorney-General may be alerted to this possibility so he may get ready with his reaction as to whether this calls for any reaction from the Government or if it is enough if the Prime Minister comes out with one more comment or non-comment. Signed by the Section Officer, Ministry of Law, Govt. of India, New Delhi." After having gained access to this top-secret memorandum I thought it my duty to put it in the public domain, immediately. RECENTLY ON JAAL: The Bore-Gush Race Hack Attack! Eee! Governance! Justice Unbound Small States, Large Stakes Con Banega Crorepati Salesman No. 1 Cat And Meows 25 Years After Paswan Goes DOTty Child's Play Toilet Paper Drought And About Boer Boar The Joke's On You The Coming Of Bill SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: ?
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