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| Six Headlines For 2009 |
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Jihadis Have A BlastTerrorists from all over the world held their first annual convention in the Pakistani city of Peshawar on Friday. The convention was sponsored by the Inter-Services Intelligence or ISI with money siphoned off from developmental funds granted by the United States. The convention concluded with a fireworks display. The city of Peshawar no longer exists. Prakash Padukone Honoured Karnataka native, 53-year-old Prakash Padukone was honoured at a glittering ceremony in Kanpur by the Association of Silver Screen Enthusiasts or ASSES. Giving the keynote speech during the event, ASSES President Krishna Kant Kapur said that Prakash Padukone had been chosen for the Lifetime Achievement Award because he had fathered actress Deepika Padukone. Kapur said, "He is truly a loin of India." In response, Padukone said, "I used to be a badminton champion, you morons. Remember?" Parliament Hung Again President Pratibha Patil once again had to proclaim that the Lok Sabha had been placed in a state of suspended animation after the United Left Liberal Union or ULLU was unable to prove its majority on the floor of the lower house. ULLU fell short of the required number by about 200 seats. This was the third coalition in the three weeks since the General Elections, that was unable to form a Government. Meanwhile, the newly-formed WOONOC or We're Out Of Names Of Coalitions has staked claim for form the next Government. Arundhati Roy Writes Novel Finally! New Delhi-based writer Arundhati Roy, winner of the 1997 Booker Prize for The God Of Small Things, is coming out with her second novel, The Goddess Of Small Thongs. Making the announcement at a press conference, Roy said, "Chick-lit is where it's at. Chillax chillun." It is also learnt that Kiran Desai, another Booker Prize winner, will also have her book out in 2009. The novel is called The Inheritance Of Gloss and is about a young woman who wins a major literary prize and discovers there's a whole damn lot of cosmetics out there that a few thousands pounds can buy. Obama To Resolve Kashmir Dispute Emperor Barack the First, the newly-anointed leader of the United States of America formally announced on Wednesday that he had figured out a solution to the Kashmir problem that had been troubling his Administration. "Well...uh...as you know, many members of my Administration had been pronouncing it as Cashmere, which is probably an inartful way of saying it. Therefore, we have appointed an Under-Secretary in the State Department who will spend the next six to nine months traveling to the region, holding meetings with the major parties involved as well internationally-renowned linguists and deliver a comprehensive report by the end of 2009 which will...uh...once and for all, resolve this festering dispute," he said in an interview to Reuters. Rahul Gandhi To Head Party The official New Year's Eve bash will be organised by Rahul Gandhi. The scion of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty has promised to lay on the best booze and acid for the most happening do of the decade. "It'll be cool. It'll be hot," he said, after attending a meeting of the Congress Working Committee. "At least, it will be more fun that having to extend support to a bunch of ULLUs." Send Jaal Your Feedback: RECENTLY ON JAAL: UPA Yours 10 New Year Resolutions 10 Celeb Stories We Want To See Bastards Of Bollywood 10 Reasons Shashi Tharoor Lost Do You Have A Reservation? Diwali Crackers What's In A Rape? Mush Mush Pakistan Isn't It Strange... The Beauty List 10 Reasons Why Bride & Prejudice Was Delayed America The Bountiful The Osama Interview Main Naraaz Soniaji Se The President Of Vice The Case Of The Fake Santa Two Top Tenors The Worm Turns America's War Against Terror Vs India's Terror Against War To Saffronazis: A Doggerel Believe It Or Nuts 25 Ways To Annoy Osama More NYC Pix Target: India? More Suspects Behind Phoolan's Murder Six More Programmes Ekta Can Produce The Kathmandu Conundrum The Beginner's Guide To Surviving Lucknow Bandit Junta's Plaint The Beginner's Guide To Surviving Bangalore The Prime Payee's Lament The Tehelka Tapes: Dramatic Personae Saint or Sinha? 10 Taxes We Require 10 Aftershocks In Gujarat The Return Of Are You A Bollywood Buff The Beginner's Guide To Surviving Bombay...er...Mumbai 10 News Reports We Wish We'd Seen In 2000 10 Game Shows For Indian TV Another Indian XI The Indian Internet Irritation 10 Reasons No One Noticed Putin 10 Other Ways To Make Money Off KBC 10 Persons Vajpayee Should Meet In The US The Beginners Guide To Surviving Chennai The Beginners Guide To Surviving Calcutta The Beginners Guide To Surviving Delhi 10 Olympic Events That Should Be Introduced 10 Rules For A Bollywood Blockbuster Fiji:The Ready Reckoner 10 Cyberlaw Proposals That Are Still Pending 10 Deadly Desi Viruses Match Fixing Q&A EZ Stories 4 U 5 Places Bill Should've Gone SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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