All right! So, you've spent the last couple of months salivating before the television screen and not because of any gyrating Bollywood nymphet. It's Kaun Banega Crorepati that's got your hormones going. But you face a couple of problems. Relax! There are other ways of making a quick buck or a crore from ancillary activities associated with the show. We tell you how:
I. Become A Professional Dialler: Indian doctors have suddenly be deluged with cases of carpal tunnel syndrome. Think of all those thousands who spend hours trying to get through to the KBC contest lines and usually don't. Here's an ore you can mine. Form a professional dialling service. Charge a rupee per dial in and watch the bucks mount.
2. Become A DoT Linesman: An option to the previous profession. Join the Department of Telecom and grease a few palms to be appointed the designated linesman for the contest lines. Thereafter, just charge a hefty fee from those dialling in to actually put them through.
3. Become A Professional Friend: Think of all those befuddled contestants who've had to resort to calling their father, their next door neighbour or the colony jamadar to answer a question that has them foxed. They're even more foxed when these lifelines spend the given 30 seconds trying to figure the question out. Become a professional "friend", answer the question and charge a flat fee equal to half the amount the contestant wins courtesy your assistance.
4. Become An IT Official: Think of the lakhs many contestants are walking off with. And, the lakhs the Income-Tax Department is partaking of. Get in on the action. Join the IT Department; use your wiles to assess the contestants and for a minor consideration, given them a tax break.
5. Write A KBC Kunji: Get hold of a couple of tomes, an encyclopaedia or two, a couple of yearbooks, elementary school textbooks and then prepare a heady mix of objective type questions. Put in a couple of thousand or so. Market them and watch the money flow in. Also, remember you can always bring out dozens of sequels!
6. Become A Hindi Teacher: Have you seen the faces of the contestants from South or East India when Amitabh Bachchan gets into his shudh Sanskrit act. They can't answer the question because they can't comprehend what he's saying. Set up coaching classes for the contestants-to-be and think of the piles you'll make in tuition fees.
7. Bet On It: Since betting on cricket is now passe, there should be fresh avenues to explore. KBC offers one. Place tends of thousands on whether that retard from Rewari will manage to reach Rs 5,000. As they say, if you don't speculate, you can't accumulate.
8. Become A Cable Operator: Tell your clients that Star Plus has gone pay per view between 9 and 10 pm each weekday night. Charge Rs 5 per view and think of the mounds of moolah waiting for you.
9. Sue The Show: File a PIL against the producers of the show, the channel, the host, everyone, even the lightboy's third cousin thrice removed's next-door neighbour's pet goldfish. Accuse them of cheating the public or accuse them of misleading the public. Catch on to bloopers and sue them dry.
10. There's Still Hope: So those options didn't exactly thrill you. Why worry? All the other channels will be launching programmes giving away crores upon crores of rupees. Just wait for the KBC clones. Just wait till supply outstrips demand and retire for life.
NOTE: If you actually make money from the advice we've rendered, please remember the Indian tradition of guru dakshina. If you lose money, do we know you?

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