If anyone really recalls, Russian President Vladimir Putin was recently in India. Vlad who? The man who messed up Kursk? Something like that. Leader of a sometime superpower that now finds it difficult checking the Chechens, that's who. His visit was eminently forgettable if, in the first place, anyone actually noticed he'd been here. Here's why.
I. No hi-tech visas: Does anyone actually clamour to work in Moscow or Vladivostok? Is there a H1B frenzy over getting to Omsk (is that still in the Federation?)? The answer to both those questions is no. And, worse still, all those medical students who once headed for unknown Soviet schools would rather make for unknown Aussie schools instead.
2. Other issues of national import: Significant other developments deflected attention from the Russian President's visit to India and kept the media suitably occupied. First of all, there was the Prime Minister's impending knee operation in Mumbai that scored newsprint by the score. And then there was the first actual crorepati on KBC. Putin didn't stand a chance.
3. No visit to Nyala: Putin didn't make for Nyala. In fact, showing utter disregard for spin-doctors he never bothered to visit a single picturesque rural island where dainty belles would shower him with petals and hukkah-smoking men shake him by the hand. All those photo-ops came a cropper. We didn't even him managing the mandatory toothy pose in front of the Taj. The man's a lost cause, how'd did he ever win an election?
4. No one's scared of the KGB: Actually, the KGB no longer exists and since no one knows the name of its successor, no one cares. Putin did head the KGB but that makes no difference since it's definitely more fashionable to bandy around the names of the CIA or the Mossad when it comes to Intelligence links or leaks.
5. Who's Putin's wife?: No one knows. Putin by himself at his blandest best could hardly attract anyone's attention. A telegenic spouse does wonders for a visiting dignitaries ratings. No Hilary, not even a Raisa. Not even his daughter, or at the very least, his mother-in-law. Sad.
6. He didn't berate the Pakis: If he'd wanted to score PR points in India, Putin would have gone beyond the namby pamby words of warnings against our unfriendly neighbourhood neighbours. Instead to chose to exercise caution. More importantly, he actually sent an emissary to Pakistan. Looks like desperation may draw the two together. All those hours of standing in bread and vodka lines must have made the Russians forget all about Afghanistan, and in the more recent past, Chechnya.
7. Milosevic: If some focus had to be placed upon Eastern Europe, it was to be upon Belgrade. That most incompetent of fascists, Slobodan Milosevic, couldn't even ensure his single ally his 15 minutes of fame by efficiently rigging the elections. In effect, what the world is now left with is another leader whose name is even more difficult to pronounce for television anchors.
8. The Russian Ambassador: Moscow's man in New Delhi is an abject and absolute failure. No one knows who he is, no one seems to have met him and his Embassy just could not get the hype and the buzz going over Putin's visit. Perhaps, they ought to take some tutes from the Americans. Hardly a day passes without the Celeste or his wife, Jacqueline Lundquist, appearing on page 3, that all-important denominator of social status. Now this guy from Moscow can't even sell himself to some city hack, how can he sell his President?
9. No cricket: As luck would have it, India was not competing in any tournament while Putin was in India. If it had been, at least some thousand viewers, switching channels in disgust over the performance of our team, would have caught a glimpse of Putin.
10. Where's Russia?: In the new millennium, India's geographical knowledge quotient seems to lack space for Russia. Does it matter? Who cares for a ruble anyway? It wouldn't even buy a second-hand condom.
RECENTLY ON JAAL:

10 Other Ways To Make Money Off KBC
10 Persons Vajpayee Should Meet In The US
The Beginners Guide To Surviving Chennai
The Beginners Guide To Surviving Calcutta
The Beginners Guide To Surviving Delhi
10 Olympic Events That Should Be Introduced
10 Rules For A Bollywood Blockbuster
Fiji:The Ready Reckoner
10 Cyberlaw Proposals That Are Still Pending
10 Deadly Desi Viruses
Match Fixing Q&A
EZ Stories 4 U
5 Places Bill Should've Gone