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New York, Old Delhi
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 Now that New York has proven that it is willing to follow the sterling example of New Delhi, with its 26 hour power outage, here are a few more tips for Manhattan to emulate in its effort to make Indians feel completely at home:1) Allow cattle on the roads: You can’t complain for lack of beef in the USA, but more of it needs to be seen in public. Let those cows out, let them stroll around the 5th Avenue couturiers and generally make their presence felt. 2) Go easy on the water: The Hudson and the East River are getting depleted with this unnatural requirement of the New York authorities to supply water 24 hours a day. Time that was reduced to a couple of hours each day, along with downing the water pressure, and completely cut it off a couple of days a week. It’d be a pleasure just to watch Park Avenue matrons rushing down from their penthouses with empty buckets and lining up before water tankers. 3) Allow pedestrians right of way: Half the pleasure of driving is lost in Manhattan because everything is so predictable. Spice up the road. Keep the traffic signals blinking on and off, confuse pedestrians with alternate flashings on Walk, Don’t Walk. Watch the chaos. 4) Introduce new taxi meters: The problem with commuting in New York is that you know that the taxi meter is not fixed. In other words, you’re more or less assured of what you will pay. Not like India, where you’re wondering whether you’d need a bank loan to pay off the driver after going just two blocks. 5) Introduce auto-rickshaws: Along with their drivers, who should be provided with a special visa for that purpose. Three-wheeler drivers add character to any city, especially the character of criminality and with New York getting increasingly flaccid, it’s time for an injection of sheer meanness. 6) Hire Blueline bus drivers: And put them in charge of the train. Keep the passengers guessing, will the No.6 stop at Union Square? Or will you enjoy an interesting detour to Jackson Heights? And they will also multiply the jerks (not the drivers themselves), making for an enjoyable spectacle of commuters falling all over the cars at regular intervals. 7) To be continued… RECENTLY ON JAAL: With Reservations A Prophecy Belied Feet Feat Saddam, Here We Come (Again) Season's Gratings Osama In Bollywood Sab Maya Hai If The Taliban Win... Vox Judicutura! Wanted: A Governor Gift Cow Et Al Diaspora Disgust Chitti Chitti Bong Bong Off Course Pol Poll: Are You A Neta Wannabe? The Raj Strikes Back The EMail Of The Species Kandahar Ka Kaana Raja The World Is Not Enough Back To Squire One Poll Gita Where There's A Bill, There's A Wait DotComs, By The Numbers GoI-ing After Veerappan The Bore-Gush Race Hack Attack! Eee! Governance! Justice Unbound Small States, Large Stakes Con Banega Crorepati Salesman No. 1 Cat And Meows 25 Years After Paswan Goes DOTty Child's Play Toilet Paper Drought And About Boer Boar The Joke's On You The Coming Of Bill SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: ?
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