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 The United States government has decided to recall the United Nations.In a recorded speech, the authenticity of which is yet to be clarified, Vice President Dick Cheney, stated the Administration’s view that the UN needed to find a new host. “New York has had enough of the UN. September 11 was bad enough, to have to put up with Jacques Chirac, makes for too many problems for Mayor Bloomberg to deal with. We need to move on.” Complaints about the UN have been pouring in recently, and some have even accused it of having links to the Al-Qaeda. Senior Administration officials points out that the links are as significant as those found between the Al-Qaeda and Saddam Hussein. “We understand that suspicious persons of various nationalities like Iraqis, Afghans, Pakistanis, Iranians, Syrians and Libyans, have regularly visited the UN headquarters. In fact, our intelligence tells us that the UN may even have some presence in these countries. This is a direct threat to the American way of life.” The UN has been accused of often being un-American. A leading New York intellectual pointed out that the Secretary General himself stood out against the US. “What is this about Kofi? He’s in New York, dude. He should be named Starbucks Annan.” New York’s Mayor Michael Bloomberg has also jumped into the fray and will only tolerate the continuing presence of the UN in the city on condition that more taxes can be levied on the UN. “We are seriously considering a tax on every veto against a proposal from the US,” he told reporters. The funds collected from such taxes will then be utilized towards the ambitious projects of constructing public restrooms on every New York street. While President George W Bush has not commented formally on this issue, he is known to have his reservations about the occupation of New York by the UN. He is supposed to have told insiders privately that he believes the UN is a problem area. “I dunno. All those guys in there, that UNGA, Security Console, they don’t speak American. If they ain’t speaking the English luggage, they need to git,” he apparently remarked, after one particularly strenuous session with a pretzel. Right-wing analysts and academics have also lambasted the UN for its worldview. “It’s called the UN, as in un-natural, un-inhibited, un-true. That’s negative in itself. They need to git,” said one prominent political scientist attached to a think-tank with duct tape. UN insiders have conceded that they are considering alternate venues for shifting the headquarters to. American alternatives like Florida or California have been ruled. A UN bureaucrat said, “In the former, you’d get hanging chads whenever a vote took place, in the latter, the UN could be recalled.” However, UN administrators are willing to sacrifice their comforts in New York in view of the larger duty towards the world organization: “Yes, we will miss New York. But we can do it, we have the tenacity. We could go to Aruba or the Bahamas or Tahiti. It’ll be struggle, but we’ll manage.” RECENTLY ON JAAL: New York, Old Delhi The Worm Turns A Prophecy Belied Feet Feat Saddam, Here We Come (Again) Season's Gratings Osama In Bollywood Sab Maya Hai If The Taliban Win... Vox Judicutura! Wanted: A Governor Gift Cow Et Al Diaspora Disgust Chitti Chitti Bong Bong Off Course Pol Poll: Are You A Neta Wannabe? The Raj Strikes Back The EMail Of The Species Kandahar Ka Kaana Raja The World Is Not Enough Back To Squire One Poll Gita Where There's A Bill, There's A Wait DotComs, By The Numbers GoI-ing After Veerappan The Bore-Gush Race Hack Attack! Eee! Governance! Justice Unbound Small States, Large Stakes Con Banega Crorepati Salesman No. 1 Cat And Meows 25 Years After Paswan Goes DOTty Child's Play Toilet Paper Drought And About Boer Boar The Joke's On You The Coming Of Bill SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: ?
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