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| 10 Stories We Wish We'd Seen In 2006 |
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2. Salman Khan Retires From Films: In a startling development, Bollywood star Salman Khan announced that he has retired from show business. “As of now, I am dedicating my life to the protection of black bucks in Rajasthan and the upliftment of pavement dwellers in Mumbai, or was it upliftment of black bucks in Mumbai and protection of pave dwellers in Rajasthan?” 3. Saurav Ganguly Retires From Cricket: In a startling development, former India captain Saurav Ganguly announced that he was retiring from international cricket. At a press conference in Kolkata, he said, “I would rather retire as a player who has earned the respect of the country, rather than as a whiny has been who will embarrass himself again and again.” 4. Aishwarya Rai Leaves Hollywood: In a startling development, Aishwarya Rai has announced that she will no longer be seeking a career in Hollywood. “After a couple of years, I have come to realize that Hollywood values acting skills over the ability to wiggle my butt. Given this unfair advantage to other actresses, I have decided to return full-time to Bollywood, if it’ll have me back.” 5. Ram Jethmalani Retires From The Bar: In a startling development, veteran advocate Ram Jethmalani announced that he will no longer be practicing law. “The law’s an ass. That’s why I was so well suited to it. However, I have decided to pursue an alternate career, hopefully as Human Resource Development Minister.” 6. The Times Of India Retires From Journalism: In a startling development, the Times of India printed a front-page editorial stating that the newspaper would no longer print any news. “Pictures of Aishwarya Rai wiggling her butt sell far more copies than those of Manmohan Singh and boring politics, so we’ve decided we’ll go where the moolah is. However, who gets to have photos of their butts wiggling will be based on a transparent auction models and the highest bid by his/her agent will get the most prominent display regardless of the size of the butt (wahoo, Photoshop!” 7. Pakistan Gives Up On Terrorism: In a startling development, Pakistan’s President Pervez Musharraf announced that his country will no longer provide support in any manner to terrorist activities. Speaking at the United Nations General Assembly, he said, “We’re getting a terrible rep. In fact, every time I visit a Western nation, I get an anal probe. I’ve had enough of them. Time to wind up all those camps and freeze those funds and fundamentalists.” 8. Arundhati Roy To Retire From Writing: In a startling development, Booker Prize winner Arundhati Roy announced that she will no longer write any more novels. When it was pointed out that she hadn’t written one since The God Of Small Things (which was later republished in America with a free sample of Viagra), she said,” So, you want me to get into facts now? Have I let that come in the way of my essays? Anyway, with Kiran Desai winning the Booker, I’m pissed, really pissed. Did you see what she was wearing? What did she think, that she was getting the Hooker Prize?” 9. Number 9 Eliminated From Lists: In a startling development, the Government issued an Ordinance banning the 9th entry in any list. In a statement, the Union Home Ministry stated, “List-makers need a break. And 9 is an ugly number. Though you could say that makes no sense, since when are Government announcement expected to make sense?” 10. Jaalmag.com Refrains From Dumb Lists: In a boring development, Jaalmag.com informed it’s readers via spam that it will no longer bring out dumb lists like this and this. Send Jaal Your Feedback: Email The Editor. RECENTLY ON JAAL: Jaal's 8th Anniversary Special: With Guest Oddities In The Line Of Ire The Indo-Pak Joint Misstatement Speechless On I-Day India's World Cup XI Kaavya Stole From Jaal! Bushed: The Interview Everyone Wins Or Whines XXX MMS The Seven Deadly Sins Happy DiwOily The Disjointed Statement Nuclear Bummed Out Mush Mush Pakistan Adolfvani Worm In The Apple Modi's Operandi Sania Mania The Exclusive Ash Interview A Time To Care The Jaal Anniversary Giveaway 10 Reasons India Lost To Oz Calling Pakistan A Day In The Life Of Manmohan Singh Airstrip Tease The Jaal Exit Poll Vajpayee, Musharraf Quit! O Is For Ouch And Outsourcing The Nuclear Whore Bares All A Message From Atal Jaal Acquired By Yahoo The Bobby Trap Licking The Leak Revising Pakistani History Cheap Man, Cheaper Woman Tongue Tied T Kannan: 1940-2003 The Fair And Lovely Doctrine Grotesque Protests Maya Vs Mulayam: Top Of The Pops The Holi Blues Pain Pain Go Away Bill Gates' Conversion Agenda Exposed Hello? Wrong Number A Man Of Many Masks The Mathematics Of Gujarat Yeh Dil Maange Less Valentine's Daze The God Of Fried Things Kabhi Mushy, Kabhi Rough The Worst Of 2001 Omni-Laden The New ISI Chief Is A Pathan!! Osama And Veerappan The US Strikes Out Bush Talks Tough TN Wants A New CEO Code Red And The Blue Book Sucking Up To Musharraf The Tamasha In Tamil Nadu The Agra Assignment Going Ape Over Kashmir Bad Dream Factory Ballot Boxing Borderline Patriotism Bill Clinton's Hidden Agenda The Tapes: Replay The Naked Truth About Sinha's Dream Budget Give Us This Day Our Daily Disaster A Dip Into The Kumbh Hype Hype Hurray The A 2 Z Of Y2K What's Behind Bush? The Florida Ceasefire The Damn Dam Controversy A Weak-Kneed Operation Faster, Higher, Stranger You Have The Right To Be A Volunteer The ICE ICE Baby A Tale Of The Jungle King The Secret Autonomy Report Report When Batsman Became Betsman India's Human Genome Projectile Stone Age Flaws In ICE Age Laws A Dry Spell For Policy Planning Lara's Theme Dotcom Bubble Gum: Burst Or Bust Inside A VIP Cell A To Do About Dos A Dress Code For Klintonji
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