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10 Game Shows For India
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 Since India is into importing everything American, Indian television may as well beg, borrow or preferably steal reality TV concepts from American networks. Hang on, hasn’t that already been done with Kaun Banega Crorepati…? Okay, fine, but there’s so much more left to be accomplished.
Here are 10 concepts that can be desified:1. The Apprentice: Instead of The Donald, you’ll have Laloo Prasad Yadav as the omnipotent employer. And instead of the boardroom, this show will be shot in a cowshed. And instead of business challenges, the participants will get political challenges. Episodes will include stuffing ballot boxes, taking bribes, fixing judges heading inquiry commissions, getting away with murder and other assorted hi-jinks. And, finally, instead of “You’re Fired”, Laloo will get to say, “You’re Corrupt”. 2. The Bachelor: The bachelor in this Indian version will always be from one of the Civil Services (as they are still quaintly called). That is IAS, IFS, IPS officers. And instead of women trying to get the bachelor’s attention, it will be their parents. The mode adopted will be through offerings in cash (the bidding commences at Rs 10 lakh), or kind (cows, real estate, or foreign postings). 3. The Bachelorette: No more Civil Service (haha!) officials here, but the daughters of the leading Indian moguls will be the prize. The suitable boys will have to contend for her affection by brandishing green cards, Civil Service (hahaha!) jobs, or direct access to Laloo Prasad Yadav’s goons (see The Apprentice). 4. Fear Factor: Participants will have to undertake some of the scariest tasks possible. Like trying to drive on a national highway, trying to have a civil conversation with Salman Khan, or not bribing an Income Tax official, or getting liquor through Customs without sharing it with the inspector. 5. The Biggest Loser: There will be a single contestant in this show because there won’t be space enough on the screen to fit in another. And that will be J Jayalalithaa. The winner here will be the one to get her to lose maximum weights. Among the possible scenarios are contestants actually managing to get her jailed for corruption, getting her running around switching affections for allies, or get her to appear presentable enough to seek the affections of The Bachelorette. 6. Survivor: This is going to be called Survivor: Parliament. The contestants will have to sit through entire sessions of the Lok Sabha, will have to read the statements made by each Minister, actually have to eat the food served in the canteen. At the end of each episode, the Council will gather together to eliminate one contestant who will then have to live with J Jayalalithaa (see The Biggest Loser) for a month. 7. Indian Idol: Nah, Indians are too serious to bother with stuff like song and dance. Instead, here the idol to be will have to prove his or her secular credentials. The “talents” they will have to display will include threatening witnesses into changing their statements in court, fixing judges of inquiry commissions, waving candles at the Wagah border while Indian troops are being fired upon by their Pakistani “friends” and stopping organizations from collecting funds for undertaking rescue and rehabilitation missions in disaster hit areas because of a tenuous link to apparently communalist groups. To be judged solely by Teesta Setalvad. 8. Nanny 911: This will not be about cleaning house and keeping brats in check. This will be a far more difficult task, as utility companies bring in specialists, possibly commandoes, to accomplish the near impossible task to getting MPs, Ministers, former MPs, former Ministers, wives and children of former MPs and former Ministers, even distant cousins, to vacate official bungalows, pay outstanding electricity and water bills and keep them from walking off with all the furnishings in those places. 9. The Rebel Billionaire: The big prize here is not to head a corporate empire for a day, but to actually get to be the Prime Minister of India for a day. The winner will have to possess qualities such as abject humility, being extremely malleable while lacking ideology, able to take orders from Italian women, able to cave in to every demand made by a special interest group, among other qualities. 10. Queer Eye For The Straight Guy: Queers in India? No way, Jose. If you had a show for queers, the knickerwallahs would be destroying every TV set in the country. Of course, this show could be changed to be for non-straight Indians, aka crooked politicians, who could be given a makeover in getting some values like honesty, ideology, and efficiency. 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