1. Point out that he has lice in his beard.
2. Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?"
3. Tell him how much less you paid for your Kalashnikov rifle.
4. Order him ten Domino's pizzas with extra ham topping.
5. Yank the end of his turban really hard to make him spin around like a top.
6. Switch all the CD's in the jewel boxes in his CD collection, so that when he reaches for Michael Bolton, he'll actually get the Mohammed Rafi.
7. Mine his bathroom.
8. Use your dinner fork for your salad, and, if questioned by your host, mutter something about "spots".
9. Leave business cards for the Israeli Mossad in his Rolodex.
10. Give him a Hot Chicks of Palestine calendar.
11. Ask him if Paradise is different for each person, and whether in your own paradise you'll get to "kick his ass every day for eternity".
12. Ask whether suicide bombers have to pay union dues.
13. Tell him it's lovely what he's done with his cave, but that it'd look much nicer covered with huge, smoking craters.
14. At dinner, imply that the Northern Alliance has much prettier place settings.
15. Ask him if he wouldn't mind if you opened the door and shone your laser pointer on his forehead for a few minutes.
16. Tell him that this is the worst pyjama party you've ever attended.
17. Ask whether the Taliban is hoping to be bombed ahead into the Stone Age, or perhaps the Iron Age if enough shell casings survive.
18. Claim that they serve much better falafel at the public executions in Sudan.
19. Ask him if he's pursuing the Lesser Jihad, the Greater Jihad, or Medium Jihad.
20. Swirl your drink thoughtfully and mention, "Just think, in a few weeks you might fit in this glass!"
21. Check to see if Saddam Hussein is on his speed-dial list.
22. Mention that his wives look quite fetching in their burqas, and ask whether they've ever thought of modeling nude.
23. Ask him, "Where do you keep all those Stinger missiles?" just in case he'll be caught off guard and answer correctly.
24. Play a game of Monopoly with him. Make him play the thimble. See if he charges interest. Claim that his properties are your "holy lands" and blow up his hotels.
25. When you leave, wave and say, "Shalom!"




RECENTLY ON JAAL:

More NYC Pix
Target: India?
More Suspects Behind Phoolan's Murder
Six More Programmes Ekta Can Produce
The Kathmandu Conundrum
The Beginner's Guide To Surviving Lucknow
Bandit Junta's Plaint
The Beginner's Guide To Surviving Bangalore
The Prime Payee's Lament
The Tehelka Tapes: Dramatic Personae
Saint or Sinha?
10 Taxes We Require
10 Aftershocks In Gujarat
The Return Of Are You A Bollywood Buff
The Beginner's Guide To Surviving Bombay...er...Mumbai
10 News Reports We Wish We'd Seen In 2000
10 Game Shows For Indian TV
Another Indian XI
The Indian Internet Irritation
10 Reasons No One Noticed Putin
10 Other Ways To Make Money Off KBC
10 Persons Vajpayee Should Meet In The US
The Beginners Guide To Surviving Chennai
The Beginners Guide To Surviving Calcutta
The Beginners Guide To Surviving Delhi
10 Olympic Events That Should Be Introduced
10 Rules For A Bollywood Blockbuster
Fiji:The Ready Reckoner
10 Cyberlaw Proposals That Are Still Pending
10 Deadly Desi Viruses
Match Fixing Q&A
EZ Stories 4 U
5 Places Bill Should've Gone