K Karunanidhi: One the deepest mysteries of Indian life is how a politician can openly have two wife where the law makes that illegal and still get away with it. Deeper mystery; how did he get two women to marry him?

Mulayam Singh Yadav: A former wrestler who needs to wrestle with two important issues: Does Uttar Pradesh require major surgery? And does he require major cosmetic surgery?

Amar Singh: Slime Incarnate. Close cohort of Mulayam Singh Yadav possibly because the latter wants someone by his side who is uglier.

Laloo Prasad Yadav: Makes all other Biharis look good and seem honest (considered an impossible task) by just being himself.

Venkaiah Naidu: Has as much grace and charisma as a retarded organ utan, though a retarded organ utan would have done less damage to the prospects of the BJP.

Narendra Modi: Needs a shave. Actually needs a complete transformation. Maybe needs to be put on India's next moon mission, one-way.

Shakti Kapoor: Pretty easy to see why this guy has to resort to the casting couch to have any chance of getting a woman.

Salman Khan: A lot of Indians are actually fans of this guy. That means a lot of Indians need lobotomies. But not as much as he deserves one to keep him from battering women and running over people on the streets. Rumoured to be rapidly going bald and to have once worn a shirt.

Govinda: Again, another film star though no one knows how that happened. Sets new standards for stupefyingly horrible clothes. Possibly the one human being to wear an orange shirt with pink stripes over a yellow speedo.