Sat Sri Akal Ji,
I recently came to Umrika to join my praji, Kuldeep Singh. He is a very big man in New York. In fact, he is so big, the health department issues separate statistics about him because he has increased the average weight of the average Umrikan. Praji always liked to spread himself thin.
Anyway, I am now driving taxi in New York. It is just like driving taxi in Ropar. Only the colour of pedestrians has changed, but they still run as fast when I head towards them with cab. Manhattan is a very very fun place, surely.
Anyway, that is not the point I am trying to make, but I want to talk about a certain subject that I had raised with the Sikh of Historical Inaccuracies Together. This is a very smart group that works for taking up our causes and the cause I have raised is very important.
It is a big case about us Sikhs not being given enough credit in Umrika, and a case of imposters, though I always prefer a case of whisky most.
As I was saying, the other day I was driving past a store called Macy’s and I saw this big fat man wearing a red turban and long white beard, who was holding a bell and ringing it and people were freely giving him money. I was curious, so I stopped a passerby (easy enough to do when you run over them), and asked what that man in the red coat’s name was. “Santa Claus,” the person answered, while calling for an ambulance.
Santa? With turban and beard? He must be a sardar like us, is what I thought. I haven’t heard of a surname like Claus, but it must be a very small village somewhere in Punjab, so not many people must know of it.
So, I went up to the man and thumped him on the shoulder and spoke to him in theth Gurmukhi. But this fraud, he looked at me like I was an idiot and only replied in English. I was very angry, why was he trying to ignore his heritage?
Anyway, I wanted to teach him a lesson and gave him a tight slap on his face and his mustache and beard fell off. And this man, what to say, not only was he not embarrassed at having his fraud exposed, he even went ahead and abused me, and all in English, which only made it worse.
Since then I have been seeing a lot of these fake Sardars all over the city, even on TV advertisements and on billboards. That is the problem is I am finding here. Why are they all doing fraud in the name of the Sikhs everywhere? That is the problem I have asked SHIT to take up with the authorities.
I am sad when I think of the original Santaji, they must have killed him or kidnapped him or hidden him somewhere and all of these fakes are going around claiming to be him. I have written also a letter to the chief granthi at the Golden Temple in Amritsar to take up this massive case of cheating with the Indian Government.
At least, we Sikhs should get a small share of all the collections these people make in winter.
Those SHIT people have written me a very nice letter:
“Dear Kulvinderji,
We have taken up your case with the New York Mayor’s office. They have told us that this fraud will stop soon after December 25. Please see if these fakes are still around after December 26. If they are not, you’ll know that we’ve succeeded in removing them and have won a big big victory for our panth.”
I am very proud of myself.




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