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| Mush Mush Pakistan |
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 My Dear Countrymen (women don’t count in our country)!It has been long since I addressed you last time. Stop clapping, you ingrates. A number of developments and incidents have taken place in our region, around the globe and the Muslim world. Unfortunately, most of it involves abusing Pakistan. And internally, we are passing through a delicate phase in our history. Wait…do we have a history? I thought we didn’t have a history or a future. I think at this stage the nation needs unity and understand the issues in their proper perspective. So I thought that I should address you. So I can give you the improper perspective and keep you as confused as ever. I would like to review briefly the regional and international situation and the state of affairs in the Muslim world. I would also like to dwell on internal matters. With all this stress, I’m having major acid reflux and colonic irritation and I think I’ll need a colonoscopy. Actually, just having a tube inserted up my anus will be far better than what the Americans have been doing to me. We need to talk about the world because we or for that matter any other country does not exist in a vacuum. Except between our ears, in our case. We have to have contacts and maintain relations with the world. Of course, maintaining relations with America, as I indicated earlier, is a pain in the ass. If we look at the world, we see it passing through turbulence. Unfortunately, we can’t take credit for all of it and that shows we Pakistanis aren’t ambitious enough. Bomb blasts and suicide bombings are taking place. And that’s just when I refuse to take the Begum to buy new shoes. A number of innocent lives are being lost all around. But we make sure none of the guilty lives are lost, because we protect them here in Pakistan. It is all the more regrettable that whenever such incidents of terrorism happen our country directly or indirectly gets linked to these acts of terrorism. Why indirectly? Terrorism is our major export. The accused may either have lived here, passed through our country or travelled to Afghanistan through our territory. This is a matter of grave concern and sadness for me. Why do they need to go anywhere else to get training and indoctrination? We must have a one-stop shop for all terrorist needs here, our own Export Promotion Zone. Recently, an act of terrorism occurred in London. We condemn it very strongly. I think whosoever are involved in this act are not human beings. They are Pakistanis. The question is who is at the receiving end. It is Pakistan and the Pakistanis living there who are suffering. What have the terrorists achieved from these acts? Infamy, disrepute and exacerbation of the plight of the Muslims. More trouble for the Muslims. This is what they have managed to achieve. I am at a loss to understand their strategy. We in Pakistan have proven we can create as much trouble for Muslims here as needed, we don’t need Westerners to do it for us. Having said that I would like to express some concern at aspersions in the media being cast on Pakistan. We certainly have a problem here which we are trying to address very strongly. Yeah, my political opponents in Pakistan need to be arrested again. But may I say that England also has a problem which needs to be addressed. All the Pakistanis who live there. Three out of the four accused people in London bombings are accused to be Pakistanis. The fourth one is from Jamaica. Which is sad. Why couldn’t all four have been from here? Why are we lagging behind? This is a knowledge-based world. If any country sets upon scaling progress, it has to do so by acquiring expertise in science. The situation in Pakistan has come to such a pass that when we ask madrassas to teach science subjects to their pupils they say we will impart religious education alone. If they don’t learn subjects like chemistry, they’ll only end up making bombs that don’t explode, like those in London. If they don’t learn maths, they won’t be able to calculate how many people they can blow up. If they don’t learn physics, how will they know which part of the body to tie the bomb to…or is that biology? I have no idea, I flunked kindergarten. In addition to that Pakistan is playing a pivotal role in the fight against extremism and terrorism. Because we’re mostly responsible for there being a fight in the first place. Because of this very fact, we should focus our energy on steering the entire Muslim Ummah forward, while we remain backward. Now I would come to the internal situation. The doctors have increased my antacid dosage. Our economy has strengthened courtesy all the petrodollars coming in for the jehadis. We have laid the foundations for a long lasting democracy in the country and I hope that democracy would not derail in future. By that, of course, I mean, a democracy by Musharraf, for Musharraf and of Musharraf. SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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