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 Jaalmag.com applauds the efforts by the Indian Government to spur social progress by bringing in reservations in areas where they have so far been neglected. But setting aside quotas in the IITs, IIMs, in NGOs, in the private sector, is that enough? The country needs more reservations, reservations everywhere. And in this public spirit, we recommend the following areas that need to urgently fall within the purview of reservations.The 10 Percent Club: That includes India’s politicians and bureaucrats who thrive on little brown bags full of big crackling green currency notes. Now, it’s utterly unfair that the entire amount should be monopolized by the recipients. In the name of fairness, a Grease Fund must be established where 50 percent or so these monies will be deposited for distribution among OBCs, 22.5 percent for SCs, 2.5 percent for STs. The remainder may be retained by the recipient. The Indian Cricket Team: Though the team is led by a Dravid (sheer deviousness since he is a Brahmin!), there just aren’t enough representatives of backward communities. Therefore, the 2007 World Cup squad must be selected after rectifying this defect. Of course, India will get clobbered, but that’s going to be the case anyway. Bollywood: This is a difficult problem. Reservations are only being considered for backwards not for Muslims and this industry is dominated by Muslims. Therefore, it’s time to bid all the Khans goodbye and replace them with Yadavs so that the screen correctly reflects the demographic composition of India. Laloo Prasad Yadav’s Family: It is unfortunate that the champion of backward rights has a family composed entirely of Yadavs. If there were only three or four members of the family, this could be excused, but not when there are 50 or so. Therefore, a quarter of his family must be forced to become SCs/STs in the name of social justice. The Gandhi Family: Have you noticed that the entire Gandhi family comprises of Gandhis? Isn’t that unfair? Barring the intrusion of a stray Vadra, it appears anti-social justice. Therefore, as a leading proponent of reservations, Sonia Gandhi needs to ensure that when her family expands, it will need to draw from backward castes. Not just the mentally backward. Books: There just aren’t enough books by backwards due to a conspiracy by the publishing industry. Even controversies over books, like in the case of Kaavya Viswanathan, appear to be biased towards Brahmins. Time for a change. From now on, 75 percent of all books should be reserved for backwards and they should be allowed to lift 75 percent of the content from books published earlier so they get a fair share of plagiarism charges. Jayalalitha’s Body: That huge Brahmin edifice is an insult to the Dravidian movement in Tamil Nadu. That situation needs to be rectified at the earliest. The solution here is replacement of her internal organs with those of SCs, STs and OBCs till she is physically at least 75 percent socially compliant. Riots: Why should the upper castes and the Muslims have all the fun when it comes to rioting. The Government needs to mandate that every time a riot occurs, backwards should have adequate representation when it comes to the all-Indian pursuits of arson, looting, rape and murder in the name of a cause. Arjun Singh’s Brain: That’s all Thakur, though it may also be almost completely senile. However, Arjun Singh has emerged as the new standard bearer for reservations, therefore he needs to ensure that his brain functions in conformity to the social mix of India. Therefore, he needs to be lobotomized and thereafter various parts of his brain replaced with cells drawn from backwards. Brain surgery is tricky and may cause Arjun Singh to cease being a sentient being, but then, no one is likely to notice the difference anyway. SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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