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Muslimphobia Musings
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 People suffer from all sorts of fears. In America, for example, the most common are fear of heights, fear of public speaking and fear of John Ashcroft. (He’s the attorney general, the man who grants some people civil rights and others civil frights.)Not far behind on the list of fears is one that has mushroomed since 9/11: the fear of MUSLIMS. Coming soon to a theater near you: M. Night Shyamalan’s "The Muslim Village." Starring Shahrukh Khan, Salman Khan, Aamir Khan and many other Khans. This movie is rated ‘PG’ (Panic Guaranteed). According to a poll by the Washington-based Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), one in four Americans believes that "Muslims teach their children to hate" and "Muslims value life less than other people." They probably also believe that “Muslims learn to fly at an early age” and “Muslims know the directions to all the tall buildings.” Tourist: “Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to the Sears Tower?” Gas station clerk: “Sure can. Just make a right at the next street, then take the next left, and keep going until you see the blind Muslim man on the corner. He’ll know where it is.” Respondents to the CAIR poll were asked what they think when they hear “Muslim,” and 32 percent made negative comments. Young woman: “I don’t like ‘Muslim,’ because it makes me think of violence and terrorism and the cute Pakistani guy in school who broke up with me.” Fat woman: “I don’t like ‘Muslim,’ because it has the word ‘slim’ in it. The only Muslim I seem to like is that guy named Arafat.” Only 2 percent of respondents had positive reactions to ‘Muslim.’ New York man: “I once sat next to a Muslim man on the plane. He was very friendly, very courteous, never once threatened to take me hostage. I wonder if he was retired.” California man: “I love Muslims. They’re wonderful people, beautiful people. And I’m gonna keep saying that until they lower the price of oil.” Not surprisingly, the respondents with the most negative attitudes toward Muslims tended to be less-educated, conservative white males – the ones who think that Islam is a country between Iraq and Iran. Respondents with Muslim friends and with greater knowledge of Islam were more likely to have positive attitudes, more likely to realize that the vast majority of Muslims aren’t out to harm Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and the rest of us infidels. (As they say in Cuba, you're either for Fidel or an infidel.) Perhaps more people should emulate Rob Davis, the police chief in San Jose, California, who, despite being Mormon, makes it a habit to observe Ramadan with Muslims in his community. "It helps you focus on what is important in life: your family, the roof over your head, the community you live in, the country that afforded us all of this," he told the San Jose Mercury News. “At the end of the day, we're all the same." All the same? If only he could get those less-educated, conservative white males to understand that. Conservative male: “Chief, aren’t you afraid to visit the homes of people with names like Ahmed and Abdul?” Chief: “No, Bubba. Perhaps you should ask them if they’re afraid to open their doors to someone named Rob.” Conservative male: “Well, gosh darn Chief, I’m sure they’re armed. They do have guns, don’t they?” Chief: “Why do you ask, Bubba? Do you want to sell them some of yours?” RECENTLY ON JAAL: Queer Queries, Asinine Answers Time To Lighten Up Gandhi Still Leads The Way Outsourcing Our Work To India Expect More Excitement In 2004 Talk Is Cheap A Saint Like No Other Happiness Doesn't Need To Cost Much Goodbye Idibhai Unfinished Business The Worms Rule Pell Mall Who's Afraid Of Sonia G? The Babu Web Election Anthrax Graduate With Osama Slum Chums Dil Chahta Ha Ha Phooling All The People All The Time Achtung! Poleizi! Talks In Fool Swing Musings On Mush Amma Mia Poll Vault: The Rough Guide Delhi's Traffic Jam Being Believed Extinct Exists!! Truth Or Bare Holi Wholly Unholy Asking For The Moon Excise Excise Bush Speechless The Moron's Hack Miss Whirl Chatterbox 6 Chatterbox 5 Chatterbox 4 Chatterbox 3 Chatterbox 2 Chatterbox 1 Cloud Nine The Son Always Shines Glam Slam Autonomy Retort The Sri Lankan Mulberry Bush Take The Green Quiz A Tiger By The Tail 1000000000+ Chandrachud Rereported The Second Coming Of Bill Are You A Bollywood Buff? Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the US in the early 1980s. Read his previous columns at http://www.melvindurai.com SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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