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Bangalored aka Waterlogged
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 The following is brought to you by NSN (Srivaman News Service) Visa required to enter Bangalore. Devegowda intervenes on behalf of Mastercard. Bangalore, 26th October 2005. The very Honorable Chief Minister of Karnataka, his corpulentness, Sri Sri Dharam Singh has got an ordinance promulgated from the Governor w.e.f. 1st Dec 2005 that anyone wishing to come and work in Bangalore will henceforth require a visa. This rule applies retroactively to all non-domiciled Bangaloreans (except for those who vote for Da-Ruling-Party and state govt. employees). Chief Secretary of Govt of Karnataka Indra Mohan Geelah spelt out the details in a press conference here at the Raj Bhavan. "To deal with the flood of wet (sic) collar workers," (he pauses to chuckle at his dry wit), "the state govt. will now be issuing visas. The visa forms will be available on the Internet. There will then be a vetting process.." (At this point of time Sri I.M.Geelah started getting fits and had to be rowed to the nearest floating hospital). Undersecretary Uma Rani Dumed took over and continued: "We have very stringent requirement for granting a visa. You need to have a valid boat licence, as well as a boat. Those having boathouses and/or houseboats will be given preference. Along with Kannadda, knowledge of Swimming has also been made a mandatory requirement." Asked whether this visa criteria could be relaxed, she said , Smt. U.R.Dumed said that such a thing would never happen come hell or high water (i.e. the present alternate conditions in Bangalore). The visas, she explained, would be of three types: 1. The one-time visa. a.k.a Electron Visa 2. Multiple re-entry a.k.a. Nooo-tron Visa. 3. Permanent Resident/Immigrant (Blue Card). a.k.a. Moron Visa. The money collected from the Visa fees would go towards financing the Metro Canal Project, which is currently being funded by the World Bank and the Bangalore Yatch Club. This project envisages a mass transit system for Bangalore's to ease the traffic situation on M.G. Canal and ex-Airport-Canal, the route most people take to reach the ITPL offices at Wetfield. Also, aqueducts are finally being constructed at Domalur and Bomanhalli to ease the boat jams that happen there. This is reason to cheer for all the wet-behind-the-ears techies that have joined in the recent boom. This should also give a fillip to the autoboative industry, with the banks seeing an increase in boat loans. The State Govt. also announced that due to change in paradigm, Bangalore would no longer aim to be the "New Silicon Valley" but the "New Venice". Accordingly all the Sushmita Sen hoardings promoting this are being replaced by those of Monica Belluci. Alternate names were "the New Atlantis" but this was rejected due to asstrological reasons. After the resignation of Sri Narayan Moorthy from the Bangalore International Airport Port Limited, the project was in Doldrums, but now Sir Richard Branson has stepped in to take over. With his experience in Virgin Atlantic, he is well positioned to navigate the murky waters of Bangalore's red tape. As soon as the visa announcement was made yesterday, a petition was filed at the Bangalore bench of the Supreme Court by one Mr. Deve Gowda urf Ungli alleging that the visa regime is unfair to Mastercard. A three-judge bench, already inundated with work, heard the petition from Mr Deve Gowda until he fell asleep while talking. At this point the court was almost adjourned until an aide rushed forward and made some adjustments to the microphone, coz, as he said, most of the time Mr. Gowda talks right out of his ar**. The session was finally adjourned when the rainwater reached chin levels and that's when the lifeboats had to be launched. (NSN with input from agencies) RECENTLY ON JAAL: It Vill Be Wery Helpful Breast Beating Loving Patient Tourists 'Roids'R'Us Dude, Turbanheads Differ Waves Of Generosity Muslimphobia Musings Queer Queries, Asinine Answers Time To Lighten Up Gandhi Still Leads The Way Outsourcing Our Work To India Expect More Excitement In 2004 Talk Is Cheap A Saint Like No Other Happiness Doesn't Need To Cost Much Goodbye Idibhai Unfinished Business The Worms Rule Pell Mall Who's Afraid Of Sonia G? The Babu Web Election Anthrax Graduate With Osama Slum Chums Dil Chahta Ha Ha Phooling All The People All The Time Achtung! Poleizi! Talks In Fool Swing Musings On Mush Amma Mia Poll Vault: The Rough Guide Delhi's Traffic Jam Being Believed Extinct Exists!! Truth Or Bare Holi Wholly Unholy Asking For The Moon Excise Excise Bush Speechless The Moron's Hack Miss Whirl Chatterbox 6 Chatterbox 5 Chatterbox 4 Chatterbox 3 Chatterbox 2 Chatterbox 1 Cloud Nine The Son Always Shines Glam Slam Autonomy Retort The Sri Lankan Mulberry Bush Take The Green Quiz A Tiger By The Tail 1000000000+ Chandrachud Rereported The Second Coming Of Bill Are You A Bollywood Buff? Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the US in the early 1980s. Read his previous columns at http://www.melvindurai.com SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE:
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