|
|
|
|
Dialing 9/11
|
||
|
 |
 The terrorist attacks on Mumbai have been called "India's
9/11" by a number of media outlets. That scares me. If this
was India's 9/11, does that mean that sometime in the
future, America is going to have a 11/26? I hope not. I've
looked at the statistics and, trust me, Americans are quite
good at shooting each other. They don't need any help from
foreigners.What scares me even more is the war that might result from India's 9/11. I mean, haven't the people of Iraq suffered enough? They really don't need another country invading them. It would be a shame if American troops left Iraq in 2009 and Indian troops replaced them in 2010. That might seem like a positive outcome for President Obama, but he'd have trouble convincing Americans that he wasn't just taking outsourcing to a whole new level. You might think it's ridiculous to believe that India would invade Iraq. But let's face facts: Iraq was just as responsible for India's 9/11 as it was for America's. So don't be surprised if, sometime in 2011, Indian soldiers do what Americans did several years earlier: pull Saddam Hussein out of a hole and put him on trial. (Chances are, he'll be a lot more cooperative this time.) Invading Iraq would be just one of many responses to India's 9/11, if history is any indication. Before that, India would invade a more blameworthy country, one whose name ends with "stan." (Sorry, I don't mean to scare my readers in Tajikistan.) India would also tighten airport security and make flying a little harder for all darker-skinned people. People from the north would glide through airport security with no hassles; people from the south would take the train. Flying would be particularly difficult for people with Muslim names, such as actor Shah Rukh Khan, and people who wear turbans, such as Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. Security official: "Sorry, Dr. Singh, this is just a random search. Do you mind if I run this metal detector randomly across your body?" Singh: "Please do it fast. I need to catch a flight to a Navy ship, so I can make a speech under a banner that says 'Mission Accomplished.'" Another notable consequence of India's 9/11 would be the creation of the Indian Patriot Act. It would allow the authorities to round up suspected terrorists, detain them and torture them -- sort of like they do now. It would also allow the authorities to eavesdrop on phone conversations and other communication, search homes and property without a warrant, and freeze various accounts, including bank, credit card, and, worst of all, Facebook. India's 9/11 would result in the loss of many freedoms, including freedom of speech. Newspaper columnists and others would be reluctant to criticize the government, fearing that they'll be labeled "unpatriotic." Many of them would instead search for ways to show their patriotism: Older people would display the Indian flag on their cars; younger people would tattoo it on their foreheads. Older people would stand upright, with their hands over their hearts, during the national anthem; younger people would turn down the volume on their iPods. But the loss of freedom would be nothing compared to the loss of life. The victims of India's 9/11 would include countless innocent people in Iraq and that country ending with "stan," far more than the terrorists dreamed of killing. Few Indians would keep count, of course. The media would give them only the important numbers, such as the number of Indian soldiers killed, the number of Indian lives lost and the number of theaters showing Shah Rukh Khan's movies. India's 9/11? Let's hope not. Melvin Durai is a Manitoba-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and has lived in North America since the early 1980s. Read his humour blog at Nshima.com RECENTLY ON JAAL: Nano's No No-No The New F Word Cup Shup The Hu Do Pak Exports Unlimited 10 Reasons To Boycott The Da Vinci Code Movie Bangalore aka Waterlogged It Vill Be Wery Helpful Breast Beating Loving Patient Tourists 'Roids'R'Us Dude, Turbanheads Differ Waves Of Generosity Muslimphobia Musings Queer Queries, Asinine Answers Time To Lighten Up Gandhi Still Leads The Way Outsourcing Our Work To India Expect More Excitement In 2004 Talk Is Cheap A Saint Like No Other Happiness Doesn't Need To Cost Much Goodbye Idibhai Unfinished Business The Worms Rule Pell Mall Who's Afraid Of Sonia G? The Babu Web Election Anthrax Graduate With Osama Slum Chums Dil Chahta Ha Ha Phooling All The People All The Time Achtung! Poleizi! Talks In Fool Swing Musings On Mush Amma Mia Poll Vault: The Rough Guide Delhi's Traffic Jam Being Believed Extinct Exists!! Truth Or Bare Holi Wholly Unholy Asking For The Moon Excise Excise Bush Speechless The Moron's Hack Miss Whirl Chatterbox 6 Chatterbox 5 Chatterbox 4 Chatterbox 3 Chatterbox 2 Chatterbox 1 Cloud Nine The Son Always Shines Glam Slam Autonomy Retort The Sri Lankan Mulberry Bush Take The Green Quiz A Tiger By The Tail 1000000000+ Chandrachud Rereported The Second Coming Of Bill Are You A Bollywood Buff? SEND US YOUR FEEDBACK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE: Email The Editor
|
| | About Us | Archives | Help | E-mail | Advertise | Legal Crap | Webmaster | | |
| Copyright © 1998-2009 Jaal™ | nEtAhOy ! |
